9 – CONFORMANCE W – CTW-2022-E

9 – CONFORMANCE W – CTW-2022-E

CHALLENGED TO WIN by Gregory Fernandez

Chapter 9 – IN CONFORMANCE WITH GOD’S TEACHINGS

I am convinced that most marriage problems in a Christian marriage result from faulty personal and spiritual relationships. Either one or both partners may have something of this problem.

We saw that marriage is a divine establishment. That God made man and woman complement one another. When a man and a woman marry, God makes them into a single entity. He expects them to function as one in purpose, motivation, interest, understanding and sympathy. But what we often see is anything but oneness. Many Christian houses are known for disunity, arguments, screaming, and pouting. Everyone is pulling in different directions, and chaos is the result. Harmony is to be in tune with God’s Spirit; everyone will automatically have the same orientation.

It is always easier to see mistakes and shortfalls in the partner. Often wives enjoy discussions about what and how the husband’s responsibility should be. Husbands love to emphasize the role of the wife’s submission. But neither the husband nor the wife can fulfil the desired function without the help of the Holy Spirit. And we cannot get His help until WE HAVE RECEIVED THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AS OUR SAVIOUR.

Most people want to be the kind of husband or wife they should be, but they cannot attain this level by their strength because of their fallen nature. Therefore, they have a lot of physical, emotional, and mental adjustments in the marriage. Let us face it, we all have a fallen nature that requires improvement.

Divergent differences of opinion and daily misunderstandings burden a relationship. The situation with two egos, selfish and sinful, constantly seeks individual contentment and well-being. The odds against marriage happiness are almost un-bridgeable. However, there is the power of the Holy Spirit. God’s supreme power can bridge these differences. Let us see how we can receive power. Apostle Paul divides humanity into three main categories:

(1) THE ‘NATURAL’ OR ‘SOULISH’ MAN – (1 CORINTHIANS 2:14)

(2) THE ‘CARNAL’ OR ‘FLESHY’ MAN – (1 CORINTHIANS 3:1)

(3) THE ‘SPIRITUAL’ MAN – (1 CORINTHIANS 2:15)

1 CORINTHIANS 2:14

14 BUT THE NATURAL MAN DOES NOT RECEIVE THE THINGS OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD, FOR THEY ARE FOOLISHNESS TO HIM; NOR CAN HE KNOW THEM, BECAUSE THEY ARE SPIRITUALLY DISCERNED.

1 CORINTHIANS 3:1

3:1 AND I, BRETHREN, COULD NOT SPEAK TO YOU AS TO SPIRITUAL PEOPLE BUT AS TO CARNAL, AS TO BABES IN CHRIST.

1 CORINTHIANS 2:15

15 BUT HE WHO IS SPIRITUAL JUDGES ALL THINGS, YET HE HIMSELF IS RIGHTLY JUDGED BY NO ONE.

The ‘NATURAL or ‘SOULISH man His human nature was never alive to God. The Holy Scriptures say he is spiritually dead. (EPHESIANS 2:1). And needs to be saved (ACTS 16:3). His ‘Flesh’ rules his life, that is, by his sinful nature. This nature accounts for all his weaknesses, like anger and jealousy, which produce so much turmoil in marriage.

EPHESIANS 2:1

2:1 AND YOU HE MADE ALIVE, WHO WERE DEAD IN TRESPASSES AND SINS,

ACTS 16:3

3 PAUL WANTED TO HAVE HIM GO ON WITH HIM. AND HE TOOK HIM AND CIRCUMCISED HIM BECAUSE OF THE JEWS WHO WERE IN THAT REGION, FOR THEY ALL KNEW THAT HIS FATHER WAS GREEK.

The ‘CARNAL’ or ‘FLESHY’ man – This person is a Christian, but his sinful nature seems to have control over him most of the time. He slides back into the same weakness as anger, jealousy, envy, bitterness and resentment and the qualities he previously had before he came to God.

The ‘SPIRITUAL’ man This person has made Jesus Christ his saviour and has allowed the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in him. He is mature, spiritual, stable, and a strong person.

Perfect unity is impossible if only one of the two partners obeys the Holy Spirit. Therefore, this marriage is happier any day because at least one of the partners radiates the love of the Holy Spirit. The full potential of marriage happiness is, however, absent. Because no sinful ego has the same aspiration, motive, or power as the Holy Spirit controls, the two partners will continue to cherish diametrically opposite goals and values.

Perfect unity is possible only when the Holy Spirit controls both lives so that He can transform both people into harmony. Peace is possible because the Holy Spirit is a real ‘GOD PERSON’ OF THE BLESSED TRINITY. He can set objectives, instil motivations, develop attitudes and initiate action. He has the power to orchestrate these actions and make these objectives possible. Furthermore, His Spirit can dwell simultaneously in different people and unite hearts. There is no other way for perfect unity between husband and wife apart from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in both partners. When both partners are in pace with the Holy Spirit, they will be automatically in step.

Many marriage partners seek the unity of the body through sex and agreement of the mind through personal conversation, but they neglect the most critical area the unity of Spirit. They seldom pray together. Praying together does not mean just going together to church; once they are in the church, each one behaves like “only” They and God are on the same wavelength. They may pray for the other family members and each family member’s particular wants or needs, but they seldom pray with one another. The family must pray together with one another in the interest of unity. The whole family can be tuned on the same wavelength when praying. Praying together gives prayer an enlarged dimension and makes prayer powerful. Praying together makes unity stronger and provides strength. Prayer bridges circumstantially separated families because of holidays, studies, jobs, etc. Even when one or more members must be physically separated, they know they have a strong binding in unity through the Spirit of prayer. The separation of husband and wife because of finance, opinions, feelings, and differences of one kind are just as natural as the physical separations mentioned above. Despite all the differences and hardships, the Spirit can make unity possible.

Despite efforts to attain unity of BODY and MIND through personal conversation, in the absence of the Spirit, the marriage will break up sooner or later. Artificial adhesion because of social pressure, the children, prestige, and financial reasons can somehow keep a family together, but any artificially held binding will eventually show. Pretence is why affairs, sex flings, and having someone on the side do not offer lasting happiness. It turns out to be a guilty move from the start and continues. Whether a person offloads their partner or not is another problem. But affairs, sex flings and living with someone else can only bring harm because this is principally not conformance to God’s plan. Regardless of all camouflage or convincing of oneself and the lover about true and undying love, and irrespective of the promiscuous social norms, arguments, and excuses, one cannot come on the spiritual plane, and these unions are doomed to failure.

When one thinks carefully, most marriages go on the rocks because the husband and wife cannot reach the third plane –the SPIRIT PLANE. So, no matter how frustrated a partner may become with a troubled or broken marriage, it would be foolish and uninformed for a person to resort to affairs, sex flings, or having someone else on the side.

God’s wish is that people surrender their will voluntarily to His Will. Even though this is His wish, He has still given us the freedom to choose. That is why we say God has given us a FREE WILL to choose. Life is an Art (we can make it a success), and we can make it happy. The formula will be to unite in SPIRIT, and then the UNITY OF BODY AND MIND will fall automatically into place.

Like a person who is full of wine will be controlled by wine. So also, a person regulated by the Holy Spirit will be full of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit manifests the following gifts:

GALATIANS. 5:22.

LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONG SUFFERING, FRIENDSHIP, KINDNESS, FAITHFULNESS, MEEKNESS AND SELF-CONTROL.

LOVE
JOY
PEACE
LONG SUFFERING
FRIENDSHIP
KINDNESS
FAITHFULNESS
MEEKNESS
SELF CONTROL

The contention is impossible when these gifts are radiating.

If the influence of the Holy Spirit is so necessary for Christian marriage, we should know how to be ‘filled’ with the Holy Spirit. Here are some suggestions:

(1) Examine.

1 CORINTHIANS II: 28-31

28 “BUT LET A MAN EXAMINE HIMSELF, AND SO LET HIM EAT OF THAT BREAD AND DRINK OF THAT CUP.

29 FOR HE WHO EATS AND DRINKS IN AN UNWORTHY MANNER EATS AND DRINKS JUDGMENT TO HIMSELF, NOT DISCERNING THE LORD’S BODY.

30 FOR THIS REASON MANY ARE WEAK AND SICK AMONG YOU, AND MANY SLEEP.

31 FOR IF WE WOULD JUDGE OURSELVES, WE WOULD NOT BE JUDGED.”

When problems arise in marriage, we look for faults in the partner.

MATTHEW 7:5

5 “HYPOCRITE! FIRST REMOVE THE PLANK FROM YOUR OWN EYE, AND THEN YOU WILL SEE CLEARLY TO REMOVE THE SPECK OUT OF YOUR BROTHER’S EYE.”

If we are honest, we will see that we are far from guiltless. We will have different forms of sin: anger, resentment, bitterness, unfriendliness, pride, unforgiveness, coolness, selfishness, jealousy, anxiety, greed, lust, etc. These sins can bring unspeakable unrest in a home and a marriage. Still, in most cases, multiple assortments of these sins are bound to be present simultaneously the result is: that our sin alone is enough to destroy a marriage and bring misery to a house.

(2) Confess your sins to God.

1 JOHN. 1:9

9 “IF WE CONFESS OUR SINS, HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US OUR SINS AND TO CLEANSE US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS.”

When we are conscious of our sin, we must accept it as SIN, confess it to God, and accept full responsibility. (Most of us try in one way or another to give God an excuse . Excuse and Covering up our sins is not what He wants, and we cannot fool God either). Most of us try to blame our eruptions on the partner’s provocation. I re-emphasize that we must be honest that SIN is SIN. This effort often starts many marriage conflicts on the road to peace.

(3) Give every area of your life over to God.

ROMANS 12:1

1 “I BESEECH YOU THEREFORE, BRETHREN, BY THE MERCIES OF GOD, THAT YOU PRESENT YOUR BODIES A LIVING SACRIFICE, HOLY, ACCEPTABLE TO GOD, WHICH IS YOUR REASONABLE SERVICE.”

God wishes that we give ourselves to Him entirely without any strings attached. However, many people are scared to give their lives to God. They are afraid that He would make unreasonable demands on them. Or that He would, in some way or another, bring difficulties and injury to them and would lose control and make a hash out of their lives (READ PSALM. 18:30 ). We must give ourselves up with complete trust. Only then can we be filled with the Holy Spirit and be controlled by Him.

PSALM. 18:30

30 AS FOR GOD, HIS WAY IS PERFECT;

THE WORD OF THE LORD IS PROVEN;

HE IS A SHIELD TO ALL WHO TRUST IN HIM.

Many people face this point of surrendering their will and ego to God for the first time. I must say, I understand their difficulty in deciding to place their lives in God’s hands. I know the problem because we tried self-sufficiency for years. Trust in self-efficiency was my situation for 39 years.

Most of us see money, job, business, and worldly success as necessary for making and maintaining self-sufficiency. Suddenly, we are face to face with the PROPOSITION OF CHANGE FROM ‘SELF-SUFFICIENCY’ TO ‘GOD-SUFFICIENCY’. Think it over! I thought it over, and the result is this chapter. If we do not give our will over to Him, we will shrivel under crises, and our whole personality will become unbearable. We will lose the potential for perfect marriage harmony.

Let us give our marriage a chance and do it in God’s way. Innumerable Christian marriages had discovered that their helpless marriage was transformed into happy marriage when they gave themselves to the Holy Spirit. Many have found this after long years of battling and after many heartaches. Your marriage has a chance today itself. – ‘Do it God’s way’.

(4) People filled with the Holy Spirit will find peace, strength, and contentment with God’s Son and always like to have Him with them. These People recognize the Holy Spirit’s presence and frequently speak with God. They have His voice through the Bible; they cultivate fellowship with other believers. They lean on God for their strength to overcome sin. This behaviour is known as ‘DWELLING WITH CHRIST’, JOHN 15:4-5. Without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, we can do nothing, not even make the marriage work. See JOHN 15:4-5, but we can do all things with God. So once again, I say your marriage has a chance today itself. Do it in God’s way. Once you surrender your life to Jesus Christ, everything will go well: your marriage, work, business, children, etc.

JOHN 15:4-5

4 ABIDE IN ME, AND I IN YOU. AS THE BRANCH CANNOT BEAR FRUIT OF ITSELF, UNLESS IT ABIDES IN THE VINE, NEITHER CAN YOU, UNLESS YOU ABIDE IN ME.

5 “I AM THE VINE, YOU ARE THE BRANCHES. HE WHO ABIDES IN ME, AND I IN HIM, BEARS MUCH FRUIT; FOR WITHOUT ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING.

God Bless You