13 – DIFFERENCE AND M.- CTW-2022-E

CHALLENGED TO WIN by Gregory Fernandez

Chapter 13 – DIFFERENCES AND MYSTERY     

Men and Women are different physically – this is clear.   But men and women are different in many other aspects. For example, they walk differently; run differently; speak; above all, think; and even eat differently. In addition, Men and Women have different emotions, are motivated by other factors, and have different values.

Statements like, “Everything a man can do, even a woman can do.” ­ like women can also work, practice masculine professions etc.   All this is in order, but the fact remains that women and men have definite differences.   How well-informed we are and how well we accept these facts depends.   To that extent, it will be easier for us to understand one another.

 

Modern wives want the word “Obey” removed from the marriage vows.   They feel it reduces them to the level of housemaids.   Even if there are different degrees of variation between men and women (Of course, there are numerous exceptions), in general, the following aspects are usually the case:

Men are physically stronger than women.

Men are guided more by logic than women.

Women tend to rely more on their intuition and emotions.

Men are usually objective in their outlook; Women’s outlook is generally subjective.

Men are usually realistic; Women are generally idealistic.

Men are more self-assured; Women need more and continual assurance.

Men are more rigid in their thinking; women, on the other hand, are more adaptable to changes and are therefore easier to influence, especially from other people. Therefore, their opinions are easier to sway.

Women, on the other hand, are more sympathetic than men. They are more empathetic because they have a particular interest in people. In contrast, men tend to be more interested in things.

 

In the following two chapters, we will examine what these differences are and what special needs they produce. Then, we will see how these God-given differences fit together so that partners can help and support each other in a marriage.   In this chapter, we will limit ourselves only to why God created men and women with differences.   The question is why these differences are essential for us today as it was for people all through the centuries who pondered them.   It is, of course, even more of interest to couples that find their marriage in turmoil.

 

In his book of the Ephesians, St. Paul broached the subject very directly.   In three consecutive verses, he said that the relationship between a man and a woman is like Jesus and his Church.

 

EPHESIANS 5:23-25

23 “FOR THE HUSBAND IS HEAD OF THE WIFE, AS ALSO CHRIST IS HEAD OF THE CHURCH, AND HE IS THE SAVIOR OF THE BODY.  

24  THEREFORE JUST AS THE CHURCH IS SUBJECT TO CHRIST, SO LET THE WIVES BE TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS IN EVERYTHING.”

25 “HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT.”

 

If we keep on reading, he gradually brings us to verse EPHESIANS 5: 32. He says,

32 “THIS IS A GREAT MYSTERY, BUT I SPEAK CONCERNING CHRIST AND THE CHURCH.”

 

This GREAT MYSTERY is a remarkable statement; therefore, we are baffled.

 

Like the Marriage concept took place thousands of years in the Garden of Eden, The Church was similarly a wedding present of God to the Son.

 

What is hotly debated and fiercely contested is the concept of Headship.   Headship is, however, not synonymous with superiority.   Nowhere does the Bible state that men are superior to women; neither is it assumed or implied.   Neither does it mean domination or dictatorship.   This headship concept does not destroy the woman’s personality or will nor reduces her to the level of a housemaid.   It does the opposite.

 

Our Mayors, Governors, and Presidents need not necessarily be superior to us, but as the duly chosen leader, they have a vested duty and authority for the posts they occupy. So, we have leaders in schools, business, Church, and other activities.

 

1 CORINTHIANS 11:3

3 “BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE HEAD OF EVERY MAN IS CHRIST, THE HEAD OF WOMAN IS MAN, AND THE HEAD OF CHRIST IS GOD.”

 

Maybe the woman readers are asking themselves, why must this be so? – Why must women be “submissive?” But, again, the comparison is like the relationship of the Church to Christ.

 

1 PETER 3:7

7 “LIKEWISE YOU HUSBANDS, DWELL WITH THEM WITH UNDERSTANDING, GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE, AS TO THE WEAKER VESSEL, AND AS BEING HEIRS TOGETHER OF THE GRACE OF LIFE, THAT YOUR PRAYERS MAY NOT BE HINDERED.”

 

GENESIS 3:16

16 “TO A WOMAN, HE SAID: I WILL GREATLY MULTIPLY YOUR SORROW AND YOUR CONCEPTION; IN PAIN YOU SHALL BRING FORTH CHILDREN; YOUR DESIRE SHALL BE FOR YOUR HUSBAND, AND HE SHALL RULE OVER YOU.”

 

The God-given nature of women is followers. Therefore, they are not happy in any other role.   Some women seek to dominate their husbands because of selfishness or immaturity.   But they are not satisfied despite all their efforts.

 

These efforts turn into a vicious circle.   It looks like this: The wife tries to dominate the husband, and she is not happy with the results, so she tries a little more in the hope that more effort will make her happy, but it does not, so she tries even harder, and every time happiness move just a little further beyond her grasp. But unfortunately, happiness always tends to move just a bit further and tempt her with a beckoning wink; as it were, the older she gets, the more she realizes how much she has weakened the man she married and hates herself for it.

 

If God has designed women for a specific role, even for a position of submission, He knew why.   If she tries to rebel and act against her pre-designed role, it will not work. The sooner she realizes this, the less strain she imposes on herself.   The other side is equally valid.   If she falls in tune with God’s Plan, the rewards of honour and happiness are from both God and man.   The EGO is something that makes her want to have things done differently.

 

It is to satisfy this ego that urges her to nag, criticize, ridicule, put down or manipulate the husband.   It seems almost uncontrollable.   These are examples of the many different efforts where a woman expends so much precious energy.   As we discussed earlier, these factors keep her from her God-given role and keep her in a vicious circle. ­Unhappiness is the unfortunate by-product, and the obstacle that stands between her and God’s saving grace is her ego.   If she gives it up, things will work out better.   God made man so that his wife can lean on him, but if she gnaws his heart and brain so much that he is too weak to support her, later, she suffers for it.

 

Unfortunately, some men seem to shy away from their Leadership roles.   Maybe because of lack of time, laziness, or low value for their leadership role. They would rather be in the office late and prefer not to be disturbed by domestic responsibilities when they come home.   This outlook and behaviour may drive the wife into a Leadership role, but the result is chaotic.   This course is contra to God’s value for the husband or the wife, resulting in friction, frustration, discontentment, and discord.

 

Men! be leaders at home, take the initiative, make the decisions, train the children, and lead the family prayers.   In their God-given role, men are to be the head of the family; this also means in the Family Prayer Life.   When the husband leads in the prayer, a tremendous blessing comes to him and his entire household.

 

Note how Paul and Silas put this; also, note the double stress in their choice of words:

ACTS 16:31

31 “BELIEVE ON THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, AND YOU WILL BE SAVED, YOU AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD.”  

 

This Biblical verse contains a Promise of God.   It cannot fail; there is no question of a ‘letdown’.

Unfortunately, in many families, the leadership of the family’s prayer life is left to the wife alone.   When the husband does not lead in prayer, it indicates that we have not understood one of the rudimentary lessons in Husband-ship.

 

Christian marriage will work when democratic masculine headship reigns.   There should be participation and decision-making when solving problems.   When each partner displays a genuine love for the partner, the chances of having irresolvable issues are fewer. Although there would still be some problems that are difficult to resolve in some areas, the best way would be: The man leads (with love, and the wife follows with love).    That is God’s blueprint for a happy Christian marriage.

 

It is incorrect to consider women as lesser people.   It is a far cry to follow the dangerous modern philosophy that tries to portray women as entirely free from the responsibility of children, household, Church, and husband.   A Woman only finds true equality and freedom when she follows her God-given role as ‘HELPMEET’.   She should trust and trust the husband God gave her and his Headship.   He would thus love her truly and protect her and provide for her needs.   They both glorify God by following their God-given roles honestly and voluntarily.

Sometimes it is tough to follow this role honestly and truly, but then do it as if you were doing it for God.

God Bless You.