22 – SEX – CTW-2022-E

CHALLENGED TO WIN by Gregory Fernandez

Chapter 22 – SEX

Much to the surprise of many Christians, sex was God’s idea.

Unfortunately, the sex life of many Christian couples is everything except something beautiful.   It is often an area of deep discontentment and repeated disagreement.   During the courtship, they waited with full expectation to enter marriage, they thought it would free them from their sexual frustrations, and an immediate paradise would result!   The honeymoon may be the first place where this illusion could begin to get jolted.   Many more crises over the years followed the first week’s concerns.   Finally, they may conclude that suitable sexual adjustments do not come naturally. Sex life takes time, effort, and a considerable amount of unselfishness.

God says it is good. But, on the other hand, marriage counsellors rank it very high on the list of Problem Causes. So why should there be such a difference of opinion?

One of the main pitfalls is pre-marital sex; the other critical area is extra-marital sex.   Sex within marriage is good, but outside marriage, it is a SIN.   And sin is a burden.   Every sin has the property to turn us away from God, and because of this turning away from God, we feel burdened.

We live in a time of growing sexual freedom.   Even though all practising Christians reject animal-like sex, there is a growing tolerance toward pre-marital sex.   The idea seems that if two people genuinely love each other, why should they not enjoy sex already?   This thinking, among many other things, shows a vast amount of unstableness.   It is unstable because the central part of the thinking fails to realize that sex is a union.   And this union is not between just two people.   It is a union that also takes God into account.   Marriage is not a bi-union between husband and wife. It is a tri-union between God, husband, and wife.   Sex is, therefore, not to run contra to the interest of the tri-union.   Both the Old and the New Testaments had a lot to say.

For example:

1 THESSALONIANS 4:3, 

3 “FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD, YOUR SANCTIFICATION: THAT YOU SHOULD ABSTAIN FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY.”

 

Then again, in 1 THESSALONIANS 4:6,  

6 “THAT NO ONE SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AND DEFRAUD HIS BROTHER IN THIS MATTER, BECAUSE THE LORD IS THE AVENGER OF ALL SUCH, AS WE ALSO FOREWARNED YOU AND TESTIFIED.”

 

Fornication also cheats the other person and robs them of their rightful virtue.   Besides, Fornication steals the other person’s virginity, which should have been brought into the future marriage as a present to the spouse.   It also denies the person of self-respect. Moreover, it leaves a lurking suspicion of the chances of future infidelity in the future spouse’s mind. But, above all, it robs the person of the most valuable property ­ a clear conscience.

 

Like the previous point, where there is a growing social laxity and somewhat resigned acceptance towards pre-marital sex, another area of similar tolerance is having sexual relations or outright marriage with divorced persons.

 

Today there appear to be degrees of social resignation and acceptance of pre-marital sex. One of the appeasements is the so-called excuse: If there is genuine liking and the intention of marriage, why should they not start enjoying themselves earlier? ­ Is the marriage certificate only a mere paper?

 

So, over time, degrees of social resignation and acceptance in this area have crept in.

 

While most people are still outraged at extra ­ marital sex flings, they tend to have a diluted value norm towards sex with people who have separated from their spouse, and society seems to be almost at peace if sex is with a divorced person.

 

Often remarrying a divorced person is looked upon sympathetically, like giving a widowed person another chance at a fuller life.

 

As a step further, from society’s point of view, there seems to be an almost total absolution from guilt by the possibility that divorce proceedings will likely come through.

 

Because of the high rate of marriage separations and divorces, the chances of contacting separated and divorced people are more numerous than a few years ago.

 

A few points are because of the current state of social development.

 

a) Because of the already vast number of separations and divorces, ample varieties of tangential behaviours have emerged. Some of these have gained social resignation because numerous such incidences exist, and people think this must be technically in order.   Some other norms have gained acceptance because they seem to be a popular choice.   Unless one has very sound moral principles, some standards or the other are likely to sound acceptable.

 

b) Intervened with social outlook are other factors. One could be the undeniable fact that already married people may have a somewhat more mature, perhaps also a more mellowed approach towards close and quasi-marital relationships. This mellowed approach could have an appealing effect regardless of whether the other person is married or unmarried, young or old.   This fact may make attraction possible.   Furthermore, there is always a tendency to explore the other person from both the personality and the physical angle.

 

c) There is a marked drop in guilt when one knows the other person has had a previous sex life.

 

d) Marrying a divorced or separated person is less dangerous than an unmarried person. So, people have fewer inhibitions towards their conscience or toward possible mistakes.

 

Nowadays, it is likely for a person to face situations of close contact with separated and divorced persons.   People in large towns and cities will have even more chances of such acquaintance.   So, the combination of social acceptance, tolerance of promiscuity and easy availability to estranged people may be tempting. However, the guidelines cannot be wishy-washy and confusing social norms.   So let us examine what the Bible says: marital difficulties and divorce are not new.

 

We read that the Pharisees came and asked Jesus about his opinion on divorce.   Jesus answered:

 

MARK 10:6-9

6 “BUT FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE CREATION GOD MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. 

7 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE,

8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.   SO THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO, BUT ONE FLESH.  

9 THEREFORE WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NOT MAN SEPARATE.”

When probed further, Jesus said:

 

MARK 10:11-12

11 “WHOEVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE AND MARRIES ANOTHER COMMITS ADULTERY AGAINST HER,

12 AND IF A WOMAN DIVORCES HER HUSBAND AND MARRIES ANOTHER, SHE COMMITS ADULTERY.”   

 

Concerning Christian believers, St. Paul states:

 

1 CORINTHIANS 7: 10-11

10 “NOW TO THE MARRIED I COMMAND, YET NOT I BUT THE LORD.   A WIFE IS NOT TO DEPART FROM HER HUSBAND.  

11 BUT EVEN IF SHE DOES DEPART, LET HER REMAIN UNMARRIED OR BE RECONCILED TO HER HUSBAND.   AND A HUSBAND IS NOT TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE.”   

 

In particular relation to the theme of this topic, Jesus said:

 

MATTHEW 5:32

32 “BUT I SAY TO YOU THAT WHOEVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE FOR ANY REASON EXCEPT SEXUAL IMMORALITY CAUSES HER TO COMMIT ADULTERY; AND WHOEVER MARRIES A WOMAN WHO IS DIVORCED COMMITS ADULTERY.”

 

Concerning what the Bible teaches in cases where the husband dies, we read,

 

ROMANS. 7:2-3.

2 “FOR A WOMAN WHO HAS A HUSBAND IS BOUND BY LAW TO HER HUSBAND AS LONG AS HE LIVES.   BUT IF THE HUSBAND DIES, SHE IS RELEASED FROM THE LAW OF HER HUSBAND,

3  SO THEN IF, WHILE HER HUSBAND LIVES, SHE MARRIES ANOTHER MAN, SHE WILL BE CALLED AS ADULTERESS; BUT IF HER HUSBAND DIES, SHE IS FREE FROM THE LAW, SO THAT SHE IS NO ADULTERESS, THOUGH SHE HAS MARRIED ANOTHER MAN.”   

 

From what we read in the Holy Scriptures, our striving should be for righteousness.   Without unrighteousness, temptations and confusion will be rampant. Tricks and excuses of every kind will be available to convince every troubled mind.   Arguments and appeals will be to say that such promiscuities are not sinning.   If we have to face such situations, the guideline is:

 

(a)        To follow the Holy Scriptures.

 

(b)        To remember that the design of marriage was with the possibilities of marital conflict, stress, strain, and self-sacrifice, providing us with a platform to conquer ourselves (not the partner!).   Marital harmony is accomplishing success with and through interaction with the partner.   So off-loading and dumping the partner is not the right move.   Each spouse must remember this, especially when those rough and rugged moments arise in marriage.   And everyone connected with the married couple should keep this in mind.   If they want to help, it should be toward reuniting the couple and not making it convenient for their situation.

 

The Holy Script has warned that God is avenging all such acts. He can punish the disobedient and stubborn in different ways, like ­VD; unwanted pregnancy; unbearable guilt or unshakable suspicion.   Some may try to resort to guilt or persistent fear.   Some may resort to statements like, ‘But medical science is so advanced that it can heal such sicknesses’.   The fact is that none of those sciences can prevent God from doing what He wants to do and outplaying Him when He righteously intends to get His message across.   He is mightier than antibiotics, contraceptives, or today’s social outlook.   The sudden emergence of AIDS is apparent, and new sicknesses are still possible.   Despite all medical progress, we do not have all the answers to medical problems.   AIDS is not the only new sickness in the modern world; many were unknown to former generations.   There are, for example, several occupational and health disorders caused by technical developments, the effects of which can have punishing consequences on people.

 

If you are going steady with a friend, God wishes that you get to know each other and have a chance to be clear about whether both of you will be able to get along with each other later when you are married.   But this does not include sexually stimulating activities.

 

Maybe some say, “Now we are married, but the scars of previous guilt and past suspicions are destroying our present sex life.”   What should we do?   Each partner can acknowledge their sin to the other and ask for pardon.   We must also confess our sins to God and ask His pardon.   WE ARE NOT OURS; WE ARE HIS.   We harm God’s property by wounding our partners or fellow people.   God is a merciful and forgiving father ­ always ready to forgive.   The sweet assurance of forgiveness on both sides makes a new start possible and more accessible.

 

A second obstruction is a thought that sex is dirty or sinful.   There are quite a few Christians that think so.   They accept that sex is necessary for procreation, but it is certainly not a legal enjoyment.   The Bible says very clearly that God made man and woman, and sex was a part of His plans ­ for husband and wife!

 

1 CORINTHIANS 7:2

2 “NEVERTHELESS, BECAUSE OF SEXUAL IMMORALITY, LET EACH MAN HAVE HIS OWN WIFE, AND LET EACH WOMAN HAVE HER OWN HUSBAND.”

 

The purpose is not only for procreation but also to satisfy biological, psychological, mental, and emotional needs and to prevent us from falling into temptation.   St. Paul recognized this urge both in men and as well as in women when he wrote the above text.   God had designed the bodies for mental satisfaction to show both people love and enjoyment.

 

1 CORINTHIANS 7:3-4

3” LET THE HUSBAND RENDER TO HIS WIFE THE AFFECTION DUE TO HER, AND LIKEWISE ALSO THE WIFE TO HER HUSBAND.  

4 THE WIFE DOES NOT HAVE AUTHORITY OVER HER OWN BODY, BUT THE HUSBAND DOES.   AND LIKEWISE THE HUSBAND DOES NOT HAVE AUTHORITY OVER HIS OWN BODY, BUT THE WIFE DOES.”

 

Some Christians think it is highly spiritual to abstain from sex, but in 1 CORINTHIANS 7:5,  we read,

 

5 “DO NOT DEPRIVE ONE ANOTHER EXCEPT WITH CONSENT FOR A TIME, THAT YOU MAY GIVE YOURSELF TO FASTING AND PRAYER; AND COME TOGETHER AGAIN SO THAT SATAN DOES NOT TEMPT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF SELF CONTROL.”

 

Some women deprive their husbands of sex, often as retribution for some injustice.   They may also do this because they think they are holy.   But God sees that as robbery ­ the denial of legal enjoyment. So instead of being righteous, denying sex is disobedience to God.

 

There are times when abstinence is necessary for various reasons like health, during periods etc. However, the husband should be kind and understanding to his loved one.   They should resume their normal relationship when possible and to the frequency both find satisfying.   Otherwise, the temptation can happen to one or the other.

This chapter aims only to bring the thought to mind that the Bible has said something with all frankness in this direction.   So if sex is the cause of marital strife, we, too, could acknowledge it and seek solutions with all honesty. First, husbands and wives should tell each other about what pleases them.   It will help to knock down the differences, and secondly, the partner has ‘feedback’ to know what brings satisfaction to the spouse.

 

In a nutshell: 

God designed Men and Women to be PRO-CREATORS. In God’s thinking, it was a holy privilege.

—

God did not give the angels this privilege. Many religious scholars think this is the primary reason a group of angels rebelled and became fallen angels or devils. Their envy is so great that the devil constantly attacks humans. Whenever and wherever his attack is towards SEXUALITY. For example, rape is a very preferred method. Sexual abuse is another way. The devil is envious that God gave man this privilege and not him.

 

Furthermore, God gave creatures of non-human beings this privilege. For example,  animals, birds, fish, insects etc., can reproduce. The devil regards this as a ‘slap in his face, ‘ making him revengeful. The devil is not vindictive to creatures without a SOUL or those without ETERNAL LIFE.

 

The angels and the soul of humans are eternal. Therefore, life goes on eternally, either in heaven or hell.

 

Sex is the devil’s area of attack.

 

BAD PEOPLE commit rape and other areas of attack toward the SEX abilities of human beings.

 

But that does not exclude GOOD PEOPLE from his diabolical plan. His two most resorted areas of attack are ADULTERY and FORNICATION.

 

ADULTERY and FORNICATION are with the CONSENT of each other to engage in an illicit sexual activity.

 

Rape is different because at least one person does NOT have CONSENT.

 

We will go a little more on this subject in Chapter 25 – SIN.

God Bless You.