12 – BIBLE AND LOVE – CTW-2022-E

CHALLENGED TO WIN by Gregory Fernandez

Chapter 12 – BIBLE and LOVE

If we want a happy and successful marriage, we must be clear that LOVE is essential.   Many people orient themselves on the Eros, a feeling of love that stems from the body. Or, on the Philia, a sense of companionship and friendship.   These sentiments can hold a marriage for some time and bring about a certain degree of happiness, but if a couple wants rich and lasting marital bliss, it will need an Agape Love. It will require a love like the one God has.   The Agape does not seek what it can get; on the contrary, it derives pleasure from giving.   It is a love that keeps on giving despite nothing coming back in return.

When we allow the Holy Spirit to take control of our lives, He enables Agape love through us! The Eros and Philia will still be present in our marriage, but God will sanctify the Eros and Philia so that they become meaningful. As a result, life will become beautiful, balanced, and godly happiness will reign in the marriage.

 

In 1 CORINTHIANS 13,  ­ St. Paul has written a lot about love:

THE GREATEST GIFT

1 THOUGH I SPEAK WITH THE TONGUES OF MEN AND OF ANGELS, BUT HAVE NOT LOVE, I HAVE BECOME SOUNDING BRASS OR A CLANGING CYMBAL.

2 AND THOUGH I HAVE THE GIFT OF PROPHECY, AND UNDERSTAND ALL MYSTERIES AND ALL KNOWLEDGE, AND THOUGH I HAVE ALL FAITH, SO THAT I COULD REMOVE MOUNTAINS, BUT HAVE NOT LOVE, I AM NOTHING.

3 AND THOUGH I BESTOW ALL MY GOODS TO FEED THE POOR, AND THOUGH I GIVE MY BODY TO BE BURNED, BUT HAVE NOT LOVE, IT PROFITS ME NOTHING.

4 LOVE SUFFERS LONG AND IS KIND; LOVE DOES NOT ENVY; LOVE DOES NOT PARADE ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP;

5 DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY, DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN, IS NOT PROVOKED, THINKS NO EVIL;

6 DOES NOT REJOICE IN INIQUITY, BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH;

7 BEARS ALL THINGS, BELIEVES ALL THINGS, HOPES ALL THINGS, ENDURES ALL THINGS.

8 LOVE NEVER FAILS. BUT WHETHER THERE ARE PROPHECIES, THEY WILL FAIL; WHETHER THERE ARE TONGUES, THEY WILL CEASE; WHETHER THERE IS KNOWLEDGE, IT WILL VANISH AWAY.

9 FOR WE KNOW IN PART AND WE PROPHESY IN PART.

10 BUT WHEN THAT WHICH IS PERFECT HAS COME, THEN THAT WHICH IS IN PART WILL BE DONE AWAY.

11 WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I SPOKE AS A CHILD, I UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD, I THOUGHT AS A CHILD; BUT WHEN I BECAME A MAN, I PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS.

12 FOR NOW WE SEE IN A MIRROR, DIMLY, BUT THEN FACE TO FACE. NOW I KNOW IN PART, BUT THEN I SHALL KNOW JUST AS I ALSO AM KNOWN.

13 AND NOW ABIDE FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, THESE THREE; BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.

The gist of the message is:

  • “LOVE SUFFERS LONG”,

Love is slow to anger, insults and resentment.   The Agape helps us be patient even when treated unjustly, nagged, or criticized.   It is slow to assert its position, defend itself, or give a tit for tat. All these characteristics are complex.

 

  • “LOVE IS KIND”,
  • Love is the positive side. Kindness prevents retaliation when provoked.

It is Kindness and helps in finding constructive solutions despite being hurt.

 

  • “LOVE DOES NOT ENVY”,

Love is not covetous or envious. Love is not hurt when it draws the smaller straw.

 

  • “LOVE DOES NOT PUFF ITSELF UP”,

Love does not boast about itself.

 

  • “LOVE DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY”.

Love is courteous.

 

  • “LOVE SEEK NOT ITS OWN”,

Love is not selfish.

 

  • “LOVE IS NOT EASY TO PROVOKE”, ­

Love is slow to irritation. (Sensitive people make lousy marriage partners!)

 

  • “LOVE DOES NOT THINK EVIL”,
  • (“LOVE FORGIVES AND FORGETS”)

(HEBREWS 8:12)

  • I WILL FORGIVE THEIR SINS AND WILL NO LONGER REMEMBER THEIR WRONGS.

Love does not bear a grudge or seek to tabulate all the faults and grievances.

 

Have you looked back at your married life to see, ‘What’ and ‘How Often’ your partner has done you wrong?   We all tend to do this, especially when we want to build up a battery of good arguments.   This practice has become a habit, and it has extensively spread. The extent of distribution is like an epidemic. It is destructive for both persons.   The ‘accuser’ will always spiral into self-pity, and the one at the receiving end will gradually take on the attitude of, “I couldn’t care less.” Both will expend much effort, sorrow, sadness, frustration, and time in this process.   Their overall well-being begins to backslide, destroying themselves, their kids, their home, their family, their career and many more things, including lawyer’s bills and other expenses.   Inevitably they leave the door to temptation wide open.   They will weaken each other.   Ultimately, there are no winners among the partners, and even worse, both become losers.

 

Many partners of broken marriages and other misorientations become victims of opportunists desperate to leech onto a decomposing relationship. These opportunists are like vultures ready to swoop down at the first sign of marital disharmony. Unfortunately, with the number of divorces and separations, there is no scarcity of the once-good people who have failed in their marriages and have now become social vultures.

 

One of the best ways to break this habit is to list all the good points found in the partner. Then, each time an eruption is in the offing, take a good look at the list.   At least to run the matters in front of the mind’s eye.

 

The list helps in many ways.

 

  • First, it helps to have a fairer view of the situation and the partner.

 

  • It will not place the theme under contention so hurtfully across.

 

– Through this attitude, you will have a better chance that the partner will hear your opinion and consider it. ­ What is the use of all the vociferous arguments that fall on deaf ears? Partners can and do have a switch-off.   The partner switches off, not necessarily because the logic of the opinions is not sound, but more often because of physical factors.   For instance, the partner could switch off because of the tone of voice, look in the eyes, or gait.   All these physical signs convey the message of previous hurts.   Unconsciously the partner’s defensive mechanism switches to bluntness, coolness, callousness, and aggressiveness.   No matter how good, well-thought-out, or well-intentioned the point, the other person is unavailable because the defences are up. “Defenses” do not negotiate; they protect.   The possibility of the other person taking offence is why it is crucial never to inflict hurt on the other person.

 

Most importantly, this list can help create a positive outlook toward the partner.   It will be that this outlook will change the attitude of the partner and build down the hostilities.   We must never forget that the other person is a partner, not an enemy!

 

  • “LOVE IS HAPPY ABOUT THE TRUTH AND REJOICES NOT IN EVIL”,

It does not maintain the standpoint, “Now you got what you deserve!” Or “Now you see, even you are not all that perfect!”

 

  • “LOVE SUFFERS ALL THINGS”,

Love covers all faults and shortcomings; it overlooks insults, injuries, and omissions.   It holds secrets and keeps things confidential.

 

  • “LOVE BELIEVES ALL”,

Believing all does not mean that love is gullible but rather that it stands above mistrust, doubt, and suspicion. True love eliminates the so-called THIRD DEGREE like, “Where were you?” Or “Who was there with you?” “What did you do there?”, “Why did you not come here sooner?

 

  • “LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS”,

Love does not build problems with the imagination.   Love does not give up hope; love does not doubt; Love carries on.

 

  • “LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS”,

Love can sustain all the insults and assaults.   Love weathers every storm.   Love can cheerfully take all the storms of persecution, sorrow, and ups and downs of life.

 

  • “LOVE NEVER FAILS”.

Love does not crumble to pieces.

 

In I CORINTHIANS ­ 13:13, St. Paul writes about the three great Christian virtues.   They are Faith, Hope and Love.   The words are:

13 “AND NOW ABIDE FAITH, HOPE, LOVE. THESE THREE, BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.”

 

God Bless You.