Challenged To Win

2 – PROLOGUE – CTW-2022-E

 

2 – PROLOGUE – CTW-2022-E

CHALLENGED TO WIN by Gregory Fernandez

Chapter 2 – PROLOGUE

March 1989.

THE STRUGGLE

Written across the pages of this book is a collection of Ideas regarding MARRIAGE.   These words are thoughts the HEART gathered, scribbled on pieces of paper, and then compiled.   There was a purpose, and that was to make my marriage a success.   Like so many things, this purpose was born out of strife.  – In this case, the strife of a broken marriage.

I went through a marriage separation.   It was tiresome, painful, bitter and everything that lies in the direction of downheartedness.   I write these pages because my heart goes out to people going through a similar crisis and struggling with the pressure, pain, and despair that such situations bring.

 

When I first told Rose that I would write a book while we were still apart, Rose thought I would write a book on pneumatics or control engineering or some such thing.   Perhaps even write about travel to the other side of Pluto or some distant planet.   Those attempts could have merited ‘Good efforts or a Worthwhile Use of my time. But, when I said I would write a book on marriage, it seemed unimaginable; at first, she thought my views had departed altogether from me.   Then when I mentioned my move towards Faith in God, it seemed to her like I was ‘Going round the Bend’. Later, it seemed that besides not knowing my abilities, I had also become incorrigible.   It seemed almost outrageous for the pen to meet the paper on a subject like God and marriage together.   Even worse, I was certainly not the person to even ‘think’ that I should write anything on this subject.

 

Furthermore, I was unworthy. But, of course, I knew that I was not worthy.   But then, that was why I wanted to study how to become a good person.

 

In my simple way, I confided to God that my sins, shortfalls, and failings were always present before me.   Some of them, I can at least comprehend.   I do not even know other weaknesses in me because I cannot see my flaws as clearly as I see faults in others.   I told God I did not understand my confusion and why things were going topsy-turvy and out of hand.   I told God I did not know why all these things were happening.   We are sorrow-filled, but I will not waste my sorrow; if it is Your will, Dear God, that this experience will help others in a similar situation, allow me to be your instrument to help others.   Please give meaning to our trials.   If it is by Your divine will, please guide me on how to write a book.   I have never written a book before.

 

Rose, in her way, had many struggles of a more pressing and realistic nature.   We were in business for one thing, and the company went through unbelievable financial havoc. However, she took great care of looking after our two beautiful children.   She managed the task heroically.   There are no words to do justice to her efforts of caring and kindness. In addition, she brought up the children and managed all other affairs.   The school program had a COMPULSORY SECOND LANGUAGE PROGRAM in a local language. (Besides English, we did not know any regional language). There was no option, so Rose even learned to read and write a local language to help the children with homework. We all succeeded because she made exemplary efforts.

 

With a lot of feelings, I want to say I know, at least to some extent, how one feels when they experience a marriage separation; I say this to give strength to couples whose marriage is under strain.   I can say this because we went through this mill and survived it.

 

As our marriage broke down, I was 39.   We had two loving children.   Our daughter, Ramona, was five and our son, Dominic, was 3 1/2.

 

THE SURPRISE

I never thought we would go through a marriage separation.   There are, of course, many reasons for this.   Perhaps the first reason was that I was sure that marriage separation could only happen to others.   Never in my wildest imagination did I think it could happen to me.   Maybe many of us feel the same way.   Maybe all the people who find themselves separated figured it would never happen to them.   There is nothing wrong with this kind of thinking; This thinking is ‘normal human optimism’.   We need it; otherwise, we would never have been able to get married in the first place. This human optimism is necessary for every other decision we make in life. Unfortunately, some decisions backfire like so many things in life, and marriage is no exception! The second heart-wrenching experience was the separation from the children.

 

THE MANIFESTATIONS

When a marriage breaks up, there are always some alarming manifestations.   What I write here is not to point an accusing finger at anyone.   I prefer to sweep it all under the rug.   I do this for one reason: to point out what kind of wiles can swoop down on us in marriage.   These wiles make us enemies to our own near and dear ones.   It is not any person, but a dangerous wile to marital harmony.   This havoc is an evil devil who does not reveal itself directly; instead, it directs our attention to others.   It is this evil which I am trying to expose.   It is not the ‘Person’ but the evil that somehow makes things go the wrong way, and it uses your people – your near and dear, to do its destructive work.   It employs the people who cherish you and whom you cherish.

 

The spouse also has ample and real reasons to feel let down.   The evil wiles are trying to break up the divine institution of marriage and use the spouses as instruments against each other.   We are constantly dwelling on the manifestations and not seeing more intensively into the causes.   Our traditional education does not train students well enough.

 

LIFE SKILL EDUCATION

Our traditional education system is deficient, mediocre, and run by sub-devoted educators who willfully disdain LIFE SKILL EDUCATION. Instead, the focus of educators is on THE GENERATION OF INCOME KNOWLEDGE.

One explanation is that Subjects like Physics; Mathematics is “FACT-BASED”. So the answer is either RIGHT OR WRONG.

On the other hand, LIFE SKILL EDUCATION can excite people to air their opinions, both from the teacher’s point of view and from the student’s point of view. So, the EASY WAY is to cast a blind eye to learn LIFE SKILL EDUCATION. The idea is to let someone else do it. Or people can get this knowledge from somewhere or anywhere else.

The fact of this “EASY WAY OUT” omission is that well-educated people get into marital problems, with no difference from totally illiterate people.

 

In a nutshell:

The problem exhibits in MANIFESTATIONS. The so-called educated go to find answers in Medicine, Psychology etc.

 

THE UNDERLINE CAUSE

The underline problem is the devil instigating unrest. The devil has done this wickedness right from the beginning of human creation. Read THE BOOK OF GENESIS, Chapter 3, in the Holy Bible. Now, I know that may sound absurd to many people. But let me tell you, I studied Engineering and am from the world of Technology and run my own business, and I am saying this:

The underline problem is the devil instigating unrest.

Until you discover this reality, you will chase mirages unceasingly and fruitlessly. I went down the road of chasing mirage after mirage until I found God. That is when the fruitless efforts stopped, and we won our marriage.

 

SEE DEEPER INTO THE CAUSE

This book’s design is to attempt to see deeper into the cause.   It is also an attempt to try and save marriage breakdowns through two factors:

• Through faith in God
• By changing our attitude.   It is not through attempting to change the partner’s attitude.   It is through changing our perspective.

 

On a side note:

WHAT CAN HAPPEN

During all my turmoil, three friends died during 1989-90.   The incidents are unrelated to my situation, but I felt it all the same.   I silently recalled each one in the quietness of my separation and solitude.

The first was a poor man who taught himself many handypersons’ skills and took up numerous jobs to make ends meet.   He was about 30.   I have known him for approximately six years. He died suddenly, with no sickness at all, no warning.

 

The second was a brilliant person, rich and fun-loving.   He was a winner of many educational challenges.   He was also a researcher at one of the most prestigious institutions in the world.   When he passed out in Advance Cybernetics, he was one of fifty people worldwide with this qualification. He lectured at the University and was simultaneously Manager of Research and Development for a world-renowned Engineering company. On average, his research work would reach the commercial market seven years later. Unfortunately, he died at the age of 43.   I have known him and his family for 18 years. He died suddenly, with no sickness at all, no warning.

 

The Third was a wealthy businessman.   His room was opposite mine in the hostel in Germany.   I have rarely encountered anyone who was more jovial and had a more incredible zest for life than he did. Unfortunately, he died at the age of 34. I have known him for eleven years. He died suddenly, with no sickness at all, no warning.

 

All three were exceptionally good people in every aspect.

 

These friends of mine had families; they had children the same age as our children.   I imagined the poor children having to live without a father for life.   All three friends had above-average capabilities.   In a way, I feel those children’s fathers should not have died.   I still feel the pain that the loved ones of these three friends will think about for years when they ask the question: WHY? WHY my father? WHY my husband? It is not easy for a person in solitude and separation not to feel the death of friends.

 

I have mentioned these three cases because:

• They were my friends.
• Their deaths should not be a waste.
• These deaths make us aware that it is time to rethink some of our values.
• Life is brief, and all things in this world are fleeting.

I must stress that I have not cited these three cases because I wanted to weave a little story into this book.   The sole purpose is to illustrate the harsh and irreversible reality in which a couple can suddenly find themselves.   The severe and irreversible fact can quickly look like this: One Partner may die. The other may live the rest of their life in remorse. And the poor children live all the disadvantages of being a half orphan and, who knows, maybe even a total orphan.

 

STRESS EFFECT

It is a well-known fact that the Stress-Effects on a man will turn a man into drinking.   It is universal.   Just like the Stress-Effects on a woman turns her to tears.   It is interesting to be aware that Stress affects the stomach in a man, whereas it affects the gall in a woman.   These are universal occurrences, so there is no point in dwelling on the manifestations, as a topic of gossip or discussion, for example, to say, “He drinks” or “She cries.”, but rather to try and do something about the cause.   We must understand that these people show signs of how their stress mechanism reacts to stimuli.   We must be clear that both parties suffer very much.   It is not as though one is gleefully enjoying the situation.

 

WHAT TO DO?

To keep things in the state of marriage separation only makes losers. So, the husband, the wife, and the children will all turn out to lose a loved one? What to do, then? ­ Forgiveness is the only solution.   AND TO MAKE FORGIVENESS POSSIBLE, WE NEED GOD’S HELP.

 

I am not saying we need “God’s help” as a figure of speech.   As I mentioned earlier, I am a technical person, not a priest, yet I can say that I am convinced that we can only win with God’s help.   It may sound unusual, but this was not what I always proclaimed.   My upbringing is Catholic, So I know that God is all-powerful.   In my everyday practice, however, I responded differently. My response was to be ‘Self Reliant’; I also explored the world’s ways before this inference.   We are both practising Catholics and have always tried to be faithful to God. Yet, despite this, in marital conflicts, we did not have the ‘Spiritual Reflexes’ to consider asking God to help us.   We somehow searched for solutions in the world’s creatures rather than the Creator Himself.   That is how we stumbled from one blunder to another without any success.   For example, in our search for an answer to our sagging marriage, I turned to various avenues like: –

 

I turn to our logic, relatives, friends, priests, nuns, doctors of different specialities, psychiatrists, marriage counsellors, and fortunetellers.

I searched every possible avenue that this world had to offer.   I meticulously explored every road as though it was a technical problem.   The same drive that makes specific people pursue technical activities is the drive that drove me to solve this problem.   We covered these specialities with diverse sets of professions, not once but with duplicate and triplicate sets of people in each of these occupations.

I noticed I used the words “I tried” and “I searched” in a singular form. Rose also tried, but in a way, she had more pressing tasks like bringing up our two children. So she held up the fort while I hunted around for a solution.

 

As a person who has great respect for the world of science AND as a Roman Catholic, I always scoffed at things like Fortune-telling, Astrology, and Palmistry. It was preposterous and loathsome even to think of such irreligious and unscientific methods. Finally, however, in sheer desperation after nine frustrating years of searching, I fell for a very cunning suggestion ­ it had the devil’s cunning in its arguments, which worked upon my fundamental thinking.

 

I cite this point because I want to expose how vulnerable we can become under prolonged trials. A lengthy trial can wear a person down.   The backdrop is that I am and have always been an active Catholic by my convictions.   I lived many years away from home in different countries.   My religion was an impregnable fortress around me because God was always there for me.   To reinforce my point, I lived ten years away from home in a Boarding School and then another ten years in higher education in a foreign country. During all these years away from home, I went to church every Sunday, Christmas day, and all other religious days on my own. My Catholic upbringing was an integral part of me. So, Fortune Telling was wrong in my mind, even though I did not know how or why fortune telling was wrong.   I have spent years studying Technology, so my thinking is to calculate and other methods of deriving solutions, not hocus-pocus rubbish.   The trick to deceive me was Deception. Deception is how evil works.

 

For the sake of these people’s privacy, I will not mention their names.   I will call one person ‘The person I look up to and the other person ‘The friend’ of the person.   The person I look up to walked back together from a church meeting with ‘The friend’.   The friend of the person I look up to said, “Greg has tried everything. Has he tried meeting Mr.  ——–?” So, the person whom I look up to said, “No. Who is this, Mr.?” The friend said, “I have heard that he can tell you why this unfortunate thing is happening in Greg’s life.” The friend even suggested, “Find out what is wrong.”; “Give it a Shot.”; “There is nothing to lose.”; “God helps those who help themselves.”; “If Greg feels guilty about seeing a fortune teller, he can always go to confession.” To reinforce the credentials, the friend said priests and nuns occasionally visit this Christian-looking and behaving fortune teller. The friend was already pre-lied to by gossip.   The whole conversation was gossip in a package of lies, one on top of the other.    Here was a situation: the person I looked up to goes to church to pray.   Right out of the church, this otherwise religiously inclined friend becomes a victim, not of stupidity but of cunning.   The devil used a friend to reach a credit-worthy person and make that person also a victim and act as the mouthpiece of the devil’s diabolical strategy.

 

One day at an opportune moment, after a frustrating battle, my’ person of worth’ mentioned this Mr.  ….   to me.    Up to this point in time, I had tried everything.   Everything failed, now was the ‘opportune time’ to plant suggestions.   The frustrated mind will consider proposals it may have vehemently rejected before.    As a practising Catholic in a desperate search for Answers and Solutions, I went to church and prayed to God about whether the idea of seeing a fortune teller was OK.    I also told God, “I do not feel this suggestion is correct; Somehow, I feel this goes against the grain; please help me.   Please give me a sign.   If you do not want me to go, please do not let my scooter start.” At the parking lot, my scooter started without any hesitation whatsoever.   It seems so eager to roar into life. I took it as God’s encouragement.   So, I took it to be the will of God, even though I would have scoffed at the idea at any other time.   This visit was an example of gullibility when I was desperate to find a solution.    This desperation is an example of how fragile we can get.

 

Up to the time, before we went to the Fortune Teller, we had a disturbed marriage, but there was no separation. However, after this consultation, our split-up occurred with directives of unexplainable heartlessness.   After that, we had a lot of trouble like nothing we knew.   I knew something was going drastically wrong, and I even knew it was directly due to the consultation with this Fortune Teller, yet I could not explain what happened in a religious way to myself.

 

As I already mentioned, I have always been a practising Roman Catholic, but I did not know about consulting a fortuneteller – and why it was a Sin.   So, I asked God for His Forgiveness and requested Him to enlighten me about how I had gone against His teachings.   God was faithful.   He gave me the answer through the words of an elderly religious nun, Sister Angela of the Good Shepherd Order.   This lady spoke JUST FIVE WORDS:

 

 – “YOU BROKE THE FIRST COMMANDMENT“.  

And then, in one instance, it was clear how I fell into this Sin.

 

When I heard Sister Angela’s explanation, I instantly returned to my boyhood Catechism lessons. I remembered the words of Scripture that my mother first taught me. Later reinforced by various catechism teachers, particularly at my first HOLY COMMUNION classes and further reinforced at my CONFIRMATION classes.

EX 20:1-3

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

20:1 AND GOD SPOKE ALL THESE WORDS, SAYING:

2 “I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD, WHO BROUGHT YOU OUT OF THE LAND OF EGYPT, OUT OF THE HOUSE OF BONDAGE.

3 “YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME.

—

 

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT is a Commandment towards GOD. Therefore, the FIRST COMMANDMENT is the highest. (There is a difference between commandments towards God and the commandments towards man.)

 

In my one ignorant move, I broke the HIGHEST, most IMPORTANT of all the Ten Commandments. – I could not have sinned more.

 

I spent my school life in a well-run Catholic School, and after that, among religiously practising Catholic groups. And yet I was ignorant as to breaking the First Commandment.

People may say there are Fortunetellers and such practices only in countries where you are. WRONG! –  The devil is deceiving people all over the world. There are no groups that he has not ventured to tempt. Take, for example, an educated group; he brings to mind’ Cross-Road phrases’, like, “God helps those who help themselves”. These ‘Cross-Road phrases’ point to a positive motivation for undecided, UNTRAINED or lazy people but these ‘Cross-Road phrases’ are his deceptions and also point to sin.

 

The devil also points to the ANTIDOTE when you feel GUILTY. That Antidote is the excuse to seek Forgiveness later. Go to Confession; – God is ever forgiving. He is cunning to mingle truth to lower your inhibition to sin and to feel that it is OK to sin – after all, you have the ANTIDOTE.

 

The devil tempts people WHERE TO LOOK.

• Without proper training, you can easily fall for his suggestion.
• You need proper training to sharpen your SPIRITUAL REFLEXES to detect a scoundrel’s enticement.

 

—

Many religiously devoted and well-intentioned Catechism teachers get diabolically steered to less essential topics. These devoted teachers get side-tracked away and slide their learning past the issue of how sins break the FIRST COMMANDMENT.

 

Worse, the Priests and Nuns are equally distracted by less worthy classroom lessons. So, they ignore this teaching, and their minds are ‘Chock-A-Blocked’ by the quest for so-called more lofty topics.

 

Somewhere along the line, education in some Seminaries and Novitiates has slid down to a Sub-Standard activity.

 

The point could be:

The teacher may be:

The teachers are carrying out an occupation, NOT A VOCATION.

—

 

Back to my story:

Because of this con-artistry, I am writing about a disastrous pitfall that can come upon people.   In straightforward text, consultation with a fortuneteller, palmist, and astrologer is a Sin.   Many cultures have such practices, but we Christians cannot seek fortune-telling consultation.   Fortune Telling is forbidden.   For a Christian, this is a grievous Sin.

 

After we discovered this truth, we were all very sorry for what happened, especially the friend who brought the suggestion in the first place.   I have known both of these devoted Catholic people for years.   There is no doubt about the truthfulness and integrity of either person.   I know neither is capable of any bad intentions towards my family or me.   I know; they were helpless victims of destructive cunning forces who used them to get me to seek answers and break the First Commandment.

 

After all these years, I still lift both people in prayer and ask God to be merciful in their innocent way. I write these words on this topic as my humble invocation to God. I do not doubt that God is gracious to them, but I use this invocation to God to help me write so that others do not get tricked.

 

Worse, I told my wife we had solved our problems.   Because of my double Sin, I am exposing this incident with religious determination so that others may not fall into it. And I am telling it as my act of reparation for my sins.   Rose was against me mentioning this point in this book because it seems like a family folly.   She thought it was best to forget it and never say it, for family’s sake.   I cannot let other practising Christians fall, especially now that I know why and how I failed.   It was because I never heard a good enough explanation. Some topics are taboo and never discussed.   So, like me, other people too may have never got a proper explanation as to why fortune telling is a sin.   Now that I know the answer, I am duty-bound to proclaim this explanation, regardless of whether people think I am a fool.

 

THE MODALITIES and IMPLICATIONS OF CONSULTATION WITH A FORTUNE TELLER and the evolvement into Sin.

Maybe you are wondering how and why fortune-telling becomes a grievous sin.   It is a sin because consultation with an authentic Fortune-Teller, Astrologer, and Palmist Is A CONTRACT WITH THE DEVIL. 

 

Even though you do not know the ramifications, and maybe, you innocently seek to find out why things are going wrong in your life and are anxious about the future, this ignorance does not reduce VULNERABILITY.  

 

Ignorance can reduce guilt, but it is no shield against EXPOSURE or SUSCEPTIBILITY.  

 

To get the power and abilities of divination, the fortuneteller has made a contract with the devil.   You are seeking these diabolically assisted favours and services, so that is how you automatically become an accomplice to the contract participation.   Besides sinning, you risk that some diabolic possession will attach its control to you. THIS SEEKING ANSWERS FROM THE OCCULT IS A WARNING.   If you have ever (or if your spouse, children, or parents) visited a fortuneteller, Repent, and ask God’s Forgiveness.

Do not be fooled by excuses like the fortuneteller pretends to have the ability. Or the person is just fake, or we are just consulting for fun.

 

• First, you do not know whether the person is a fake for sure or whether he has some contract with the devil or spirits.

 

• Secondly, your move to seek help through these means directly rejects trust in God, regardless of their authenticity. ­ You indirectly say to God, “I will seek help elsewhere.” And that is a Sin. ­ Sin is a rejection of God.

 

Once I became aware of this Sin, I asked God for His pardon and turned fully to Him.   This book is an indication of why I say we need God’s help,

 

I want you to know that I was the most unlikely candidate for such a deception as a fortuneteller consultation.   And yet it got to me.   It is the same cunningness that made Eve and Adam fall.   God walked with them in the cool of the day.   (GENESIS 3:8). The devil’s designs destroy what God has made in His image and likeness – Mankind.   Marriage is particularly vulnerable because God bestowed the gift of being a pro-creator in Man and Woman.   Neither the Angels nor the Fallen Angels can procreate.   We do not know what happened in Heaven and the cause of the rebellion. However, the Bible tells us clearly that the consequence was the creation of hell.

LUKE 10:18

AND HE SAID TO THEM, “I SAW SATAN FALL LIKE LIGHTNING FROM HEAVEN.

 

MT 25:41

41 “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘DEPART FROM ME, YOU CURSED, INTO THE EVERLASTING FIRE PREPARED FOR THE DEVIL AND HIS ANGELS:

 

These are the words of JESUS Himself.

 

The root cause was because of PRIDE.

THE FIVE DEADLY:  

“I WILL”

 

ISAIAH 14:12-15

THE FALL OF LUCIFER

12 “HOW YOU ARE FALLEN FROM HEAVEN,

O LUCIFER, SON OF THE MORNING!

HOW YOU ARE CUT DOWN TO THE GROUND,

YOU WHO WEAKENED THE NATIONS!

13 FOR YOU HAVE SAID IN YOUR HEART:

‘I WILL ASCEND INTO HEAVEN,

I WILL EXALT MY THRONE ABOVE THE STARS OF GOD;

I WILL ALSO SIT ON THE MOUNT OF THE CONGREGATION

ON THE FARTHEST SIDES OF THE NORTH;

14 I WILL ASCEND ABOVE THE HEIGHTS OF THE CLOUDS,

I WILL BE LIKE THE MOST HIGH.’

15 YET YOU SHALL BE BROUGHT DOWN TO SHEOL,

TO THE LOWEST DEPTHS OF THE PIT.

 

Maybe the angel’s PRIDE was hurt because they could not procreate, whereas humankind could bear children in God’s image and likeness.   God allowed some of His “Creatorship” to man.   We cannot substantiate it as the only ‘reason’. Nevertheless, it explains the devil’s consistent grudge against God and relentless enmity with man.

 

Even though I had the explanations, one question kept bugging me.   And I kept bugging the Lord.   How did all this happen to me?

 

This fortune teller was initially a Christian.   He knew Scripture and was deceptively convincing and diabolically to hooking people to seek his services repeatedly. He convinced poor souls that he was the “Go-To” person to find relief for their problems.   His work would come initially as relief and then susceptibility to falling into hell. The devil creates a dependence on his ways which gradually escalates to make him master of your soul.   Maybe this person did it to augment his income; Maybe he did it to have ‘Fools Fun’. I do not know, and I do not want to judge him or his motives. However, it also became clear to me why I could fall.   Had the fortune teller worn funny clothes or lived in unfamiliar areas, I would have been on High Alert. Instead, here was a man who knew how to use Scripture skillfully. He was better informed than many Christians.   He dressed well, spoke educated English, and retired from a respectable professional life, yet he stooped and slunk into Fortune Telling.

Another item: He lived opposite the church and was a regular church-club member.

Furthermore, that parish devoted Tuesday to giving bread to the poor. Bakers and merchants gave bread for this cause. The poor came for some bread. This fortune teller also brought bread for the poor and made it a point to show his generous donation. Besides the poor, other church members vouched for him as a good man, participating in feeding the poor.

India has various backgrounds, cultures, languages, and religions.   This man knew and lived ‘our’ way of life.   I asked the Lord for years and years, “Am I such a gullible idiot? How come You did nothing when I sought Your advice and a sign from You whether it was OK to go to him? Lord, in my faith’s simplicity, I asked if this is not Your will, please prevent my scooter from starting.   Why did You not stop the vehicle from starting?   I would have taken the vehicle stoppage as a sign from You.  And take my vehicle to the mechanic instead.    Why did you let me fall?” Now here in 2004, was the answer.   I was to write about this Deception so that others do not fall into the same deceptive trap.

Even though this book started around 1997, I wrote about the Sin of Fortune-telling and my fall around 2004. So I want to say that the contents of this book have evolved over the years.

—

On a similar note:

I also write this point because, for many years, I worked professionally with foreign experts who visited India.   These foreign businesspersons came pre-armed with the names and addresses of similar fortune tellers in India. These people were technically so advanced to be experts, yet they sought consultation with these fortune tellers.   In modern thinking, these people were technically so advanced. So how could they fall for hocus-pocus?

At that time, I did not have sufficient knowledge to convince them WHY consultation with a fortuneteller was a sin. They were all technical, highly trained, working internationally and yet dumb as dumb can be in our spiritual survival.

 

TAKE COURAGE: If you are experiencing a marriage separation and find it too difficult to bear, take courage from the fact that we went through a similar thing and have survived.   This book is a testimony to the effect.   Language and writing are not my professions, yet I went on to write this book.

—

You may be surprised to read that my original draft was in German. At the draft stage, a few friends knew about this book. However, they were all surprised that I, as an Indian, would use German.

I cannot precisely say why I use German instead of English. A plausible explanation is:

Maybe, I relate Germany to ‘The Land of the Thinkers’.

 

­ For example, I relate Germany to the land of Gauss, Keplar, Lebinez, Roentgen, Max Plank, Arthur Stiefelmayer, Hans Klingler, Dr Kurt Stoll, Dr Wilfred Stoll, Dr Werner von Braun, Dr Friedrich Wankel, Professor Dr Bharat Balasubramaniam, Albert Einstein etc.

Whatever the reasons, this was my way to do something positive and constructive while the pressures of marriage separation were running wild and tearing our hearts away.   Marriage separation was threatening to make our children have a single parent.   It was only the thought that God is in complete control over everything that happens on Earth (and not man) and that nothing happens without His knowledge or sanction; knowing this point kept my head and body together during those difficult days.

In some very endearing way, the German language resembled the kind voice of a highly gifted and excellent teacher. However, the Germans and their language have never seized to impress me with their heartwarming, picturesque capabilities and un-canning precision.

 

I have stated why I changed this book from German to English in the Epilogue.   With time, I have resolved that I must write two more books before I am ready to lay the pen down or let the computer keyboard retire.   It was like a dream of “WISHFUL THINKING”.

Besides straight writing time is also the fact that German grammar is much more demanding than English grammar is. Therefore, it will be necessary to have more intense corrections and proofreading.

The dream of “WISHFUL THINKING” rested in Limbo. Yes, we all have dreams and wishful desires. In my case, I did not know what two books to write.

 

Then in 2022, I got the German translation together. (The second book fulfilled).

 

Then while remembering my working days with long travel and waiting time on buses, trains, planes, airports, and hotels, I thought an Audiobook would be nice. So, in 2022, my Audiobook will be completed. (The third book fulfilled).

 

Technically, these two additional books were way out of my boundary. But only God could enable them to happen. – Dreams come true – Wishful Thinking comes true.

With God’s help, DREAMS AND WISHFUL THOUGHTS will happen.

—

CATHOLIC CHARISMATIC MOVEMENT

During those difficult days, I came across a member of the Catholic Charismatic Movement; he prayed for me and helped me see things from a more divine perspective.   He introduced me to God all over again.   He explained that God speaks to His people through Scripture in the Holy Bible. I know the modesty of this man personally. So, for many years, in my earlier writings, I did not refer to him by name; I referred to him as the Navy Officer.   He is possibly India’s best lay preacher.   He preaches in several countries all around the world.

In 2022, I have decided it is time to introduce him by his name. He is Fritz Mascarenhas.

During that time, I read the Bible passage, which gave me a lot of meaning and strength. So, I thought I would share it with you:

 

2 CORINTHIANS 4:8-9

8 “WE ARE HARD PRESSED EVERY SIDE, YET NOT CRUSHED; WE ARE PERPLEXED, BUT NOT IN DESPAIR,

9  PERSECUTED, BUT NOT FORSAKEN; STRUCK DOWN, BUT NOT DESTROYED.”   

 

THINK POSITIVE ­ DO SOMETHING

I was clear about one thing: I would not allow this heart-shaking sorrow to get wasted.   ­ Nevertheless, I was determined to do something to help somebody, so armed with encouragement from two friends and a few scraps of paper, I established a perspective in the form of reasons to write this book.   Here are some of the thoughts that went through my mind:

1. Writing a book would give me a reason to read topics on marriage more carefully. Maybe through this scrutiny, I would find clues or some positive steps towards understanding my marriage and how to repair it.   Writing on the subject would be one of the motivations to turn casual reading into knowledge acquisition.

2.  It is a universal fact that a person matures and becomes better only in the face of adversity. I did not want to squander this opportunity or let the hard-won didactics fade into obscurity as time glided.

I wanted to place a concrete experience of life’s problems in front of our children.   On this pilgrimage of life, they must know there will be problems and sufferings of one kind or another.   Our life’s merits are how well we cope with them.   To combat these issues, we need a disposition ­ a proper spirit; otherwise, life will turn, into one long string of self-pity, grumbling, whining etc.   All of which are all wasted energies.   The disposition can be shallow and misleading in the so-called ways of the world.   So, my efforts were to construct an eternal view through the pages of this book.   It became a method to study the perspective of life and marriage-relationship.   This book is oriented predominantly on quotations, teaching and citations found in the Holy Bible.   I have discovered Biblical wisdom to be genuine and solid.   (As I mentioned earlier, I tried many other avenues before coming to this conclusion).

 

I WANT TO EXPRESS MY THANKS TO:

1. First and foremost, I want to do this book as a Thanks and Praise to God for having protected us and guided us through life’s storms. Even for giving us the courage to go on when things were disheartening. During our conflict, when hate was running high, I asked God to help me see things from His perspective ­ to allow me to feel things the way He wants me to think about these kinds of things. ­ To help me to stand above these annoyances.   In some silent way, God answered.   Peace was so gradual that I never knew when my view became more tolerable.   At one point, the thought of ‘Eternity’ became a yardstick.   If we look at things regarding our eternal life, we see how silly we are to spend our time fighting with our wife, husband, mother-in-law, etc.   And even the things of this Earth, how long will we have them? ­ our wealth, children, youth, fame, and precious Ego? We are going to leave them all behind when we die.   So why fight about them?

There is only one essential thing: how well we have done God’s Work in the plan, He has for us.

 

2. This book is a gift from my heart to my wife, Rose and our children, Ramona, and Dominic, who undoubtedly had their share of suffering during our separation. I also thank them for their many efforts, which encouraged me to try to win this marriage.

 

3.  My prayers and wishes to My Dad and Mum and Rose’s Mum (and Rose’s Dad was already in Heaven).

4.  Many relatives and friends were extremely good to us; we cannot repay them for their kindness and encouragement. This book embodies our recognition for their efforts and extraordinary compassion. I cannot tell you exactly how many people gave me books to read as their way of being helpful to me.   This book is my acknowledgement and thanks for their gift of books, meals, and hospitality to me.

 

5. Many people whose efforts have helped us and who are not mentioned here in this book by name. I felt I could not say everyone by name because I could easily forget to mention every gracious person. Nor can I bring out their goodness adequately.   So, I have referred to them as “a friend”, “A neighbour”, “A lady”, etc.   Their kindness, however, is immeasurable, and I am thankful to them.

 

6. This point may sound strange; nevertheless, I must say it because it comes straight from the heart. So these pages are recognition and a Huge Thank You to ESSLINGEN.

ESSLINGEN is a small Dream Town in a hilly region in Southern Germany. The Neckar River runs through the town.

Affectionately the city is called “Esslingen Am Neckar”; when translated, it means “Esslingen ON the Neckar.”

 

On one side of the Neckar, Esslingen rises over the B 10 Fast Road, then over towards a birch-wood forest, and after that rolls over hills and dales stretching to embrace the Schwabish Alps.   On the other side of the Neckar, Esslingen rises toward the vineyards, sloping upwards.   The very exclusive pink FIFEGRADLER wine grows here.   It is also the wine slopes of the sparkling KESSLER SEKT and the deep red TROLLINGER.   If your eyes keep moving upwards past the vineyards, you see Heaven.   And Esslingen is, beyond doubt, an integral part of Heaven.

Esslingen is where I got my learning.    It was where I spent enchanting years of my life;

Esslingen inspired me to think more expansively.   It gave me excellent and long-lasting friends.

 

An adage sounds like this, “When a boy has troubles, where does he go? – He goes home.” Maybe I went home.

My fondness for all that I cherished in Esslingen is why the original text was in German.

On a similar note, once upon a time, I went to Esslingen to search for engineering knowledge and a career. Now, in my crisis, I was searching for words of expression.

Esslingen was my Friend, my Home.

 

In 2022 – I got it down to translating this book into my beloved German language.

—

 

I WOULD BE HAPPY IF:

• Some readers of these pages would get some amount of encouragement.

 

• I wish marriages would be re-won.

 

• I hope a re-unification takes place because of something written here.   If that could happen, my joy would be boundless.

 

• A group of people are especially dear to me- they are the young people contemplating marriage.   Before I married, I had never read about this subject and grappled with many complications. So, I hope some words found here help them.

God Bless You.