30 – EPILOGUE – CTW-2022-E

30 – EPILOGUE – CTW-2022-E

CHALLENGED TO WIN by Gregory Fernandez

Chapter 30 – EPILOGUE

THE BOOK

This chapter describes:

My journey to find my faith in God.
It also describes places and people who enriched my quest.
Towards the end is the ADDENDUM. The text describes some up-to-date landmark points even after the original writing. The addendum stretches up to today’s happenings.
The last part has the writings of other authors who enriched my journey.

As I look back, this book started because of some thoughts on describing one’s feelings during a marriage separation. A friend and ex-colleague of mine encouraged this idea.

Somewhere along the line, I wrote a page and passed it to another friend for an opinion. The echo I got back was a “flame” that sustained me through page after page for all these long months. If I could compress the encouragement into a single word, it would be the German word “Buchreif.” (The English Translation is “Book-ripe.”)

Whether the page was book-ripe or not is hardly the point. The point was that I was encouraged, and the fruit of this “Encouragement” is that I am today writing the epilogue. If writing the book was a ‘passion,’ then writing the epilogue is a ‘pleasure.’ It signals the end of a job undertaken, and that is a good feeling, simply because we often cannot, or do not, finish what we begin. But even more than just finishing a book, we re-unified our marriage relationship. There are no words I can assemble to tell you exactly how happy I am. While I am thrilled that we won our marriage, I would also like to use this re-unification as hope and encouragement to other people as well. Therefore, I will try to pen-formulate some of the incidents, thoughts, and experiences as I view them retrospectively.

I felt when I completed this book, my marriage would heal. This thought sustained me throughout the writing.

I cannot explain this baffling yet encouraging feeling. Nor could I assign reasons to support this feeling. But, because of this feeling, writing was a ‘mission and winning this marriage was a ‘burning desire.’

THE EVENTS

When I look back chronologically, the events were like this:

In September 1988, we separated.

In Mid-July 1990, we patched up. For one year and nine months, we went through a psychological hell. Each passing day seemed worse than the previous one, and happiness seemed extinct.

Then, suddenly, out of the blue, in mid-July 1990, we decided to meet and talk things over. In a brief span of perhaps an hour over a restaurant dinner, we both agreed that we had had enough of this separation and would like to patch up. It was not through our wisdom that this reconciliation took place. Months and months of efforts failed, and suddenly in one hour, we were healed; it was as miraculous as that! And so fast! One obscure day, we patched up. It was like God had said, “Your trial is over; I (God) will make good the years that the locust has eaten.”

JOEL 2:25

“SO I WILL RESTORE TO YOU THE YEARS THAT THE SWARMING LOCUST HAS EATEN,

THE CRAWLING LOCUST,

THE CONSUMING LOCUST,

AND THE CHEWING LOCUST,

We went through a typical experience common to marital struggle, the phase of ‘failed attempts.’ While one person was trying to patch things up, the other was stubborn, and when the other person was trying to make peace, the other was out of tune. The non-aligned efforts often reversed the role between the couple. There was constantly a feeling of reasonable efforts dashed down. Mingled with all these failed efforts was the worldly advice of people, who, in different ways, suggested, “If you cannot hack it, forget it.” – “Get along with your life,” – “Make a clean break,” – “Get an annulment.” Etc., Etc. Both of us got these messages. It seemed unimaginable to keep on trying to carry on this marriage vow. And each subsequent attempt that landed in failure only reinforces the idea that it was stupid to even think of trying again.

Apart from how hopeless things seemed, was also the feeling that if we ever do patch up, the transition back to harmony would be slow, painful, and almost not worth it. Furthermore, we would be too old to enjoy it, and the children would have grown out of childhood anyway. But, to our surprise, we were to experience a complete and sudden transformation. It took me time to comprehend that this reunion was real. Later, when I went to read my Bible, I came across the following:

1 CORINTHIANS. 1:18

18 “FOR THE MESSAGE OF THE CROSS IS FOOLISHNESS TO THOSE WHO ARE PERISHING BUT TO US WHO ARE BEING SAVED IT IS THE POWER OF GOD.”

Like I was baffled at our reunion, so were our friends, relations, neighbours, and people we meet daily.

When a known person saw me with my children, he congratulated me for winning the CUSTODY BATTLE to get the kids. He was so sure that I had won a legal CUSTODY BATTLE.

Indeed, this was a sign to show us how fast God worked and how well. However, while our reconciliation was making incredible strides on one side, I could not help looking with amazement at the once almost unthinkable reunification of West and East Germany going on at the same time.

Let me side-track down memory lane:

I studied in West Germany and was fortunate to visit East Germany. I saw the affluent life of people in the West and the modest availabilities of the East.

Besides, I worked with older people from East Germany who “came” across before the Dividing Wall. They came like refugees hoping to establish their livelihood and bring their children over.

Without warning, a dividing wall sprang up. First, the socialist government stopped contact or travel between West and East Germany. After that, communication and travel became illegal to the extent of imprisonment or execution.

The family reunion for many families, unfortunately, did not happen. The East German parents established themselves well and had good jobs, houses, and cars in the West. But they lived through the sorrow of knowing their dear children were living very modest lives with their grandparents. Even though my friend in the West would dearly love to send them things for their Birthdays or Christmas, they dare not do so. I saw the tears in these people’s eyes. But on the other hand, some of these people helped me understand factory technology’s skills and methods. They were always patient and understanding about my limited German vocabulary.

One such lady who was exceptionally helpful told me that she left her only son back when he was maybe five years old. When I was in Germany, her son was an intelligent young man at the crossroads of his career. Perhaps she saw that I, too, was at a crossroads in my career.

The government in the East said they could offer him an illustrious career as a pilot and officer in the air force. But they also knew that his parents lived in West Germany. She told me her son’s choice was to sign EITHER a declaration to renounce his parents and have a prestigious life or refuse and be considered a betrayer and be a Nobody. So their son refused the illustrious career. During the decision dilemmas, neither had contact with one other. There were no letters between family members. There were no phone calls. News of the family came like smuggled news, often after weeks or months.

I lived and got an education through the extreme kindness of tens of such kinds of people. Through intense personal sadness, they reached out to brighten my day. Often their happiness came when I said a sentence in correct German. The news that I passed my semesters was their reason to be joyful beyond words.

Kindness was my Germany – These were my German people. And now, the boundary between West and East Germany would dissolve, and they could reunite after years.

Back to the topic:

MY ATTEMPTS:

When I look back now, these are some of my attempts:

This separation was a heart-shaking experience that forced us into loneliness. It was this loneliness that made me turn to God more sincerely. I searched for God with all my heart. If ‘grief’ made “motivation” possible, then ‘loneliness’ made “time” available.

When I found God (or, more precisely, when God gave me the grace to seek Him), I surrendered to Him. I accepted that He sent His Son, Jesus, to redeem our souls. He was concerned about both our spiritual and personal welfare. In like manner, I believed He would be just as involved in our temporal and emotional welfare.

I confessed my sins, mistakes, failings, and omissions and asked for God’s pardon. Then, of course, it was harder and more challenging to make the same apologies to the spouse. But that phase had to be tried and finally put into practice.

I placed my problem into God’s hands. With all humility, I told Him, “I have run out of ideas on how to engineer this project to success. Please show me ‘Your Ways.’ And with that, I surrendered my problem to Him.

These four points of ’Attempts’ look very simple. Secretly I imagined that it would work like some quick-acting formula. But I gradually learned that I had not even considered many other factors. SOME OF THESE FACTORS WERE:

DELAY:

We may want many things. And yet, even though these things are good, God may want to delay these wants and wishes. This delay is because we cannot understand all of His Wisdom. It could be that God may want us to see, feel and experience certain things. In our frail human thinking, we may get impatient and frustrated. Delay may very well be the training that God wants to impart to us to improve our ability to be patient or tolerant or make us better-skilled people to help others. Maybe, through this delay, He is refining us so we can eventually do the job He wants us to do for Him.

TRIALS:

While we are under these fiery trials, we may not see things this way. These trials pass away sooner or later. The tests are for our learning experience. And Experience is for us to know and feel that something good will come out.

BACKFIRING:

There were many times when I made genuine efforts to resolve our differences, and things backfired. Even Rose, from her side, also experienced the same setbacks. These were indeed very frustrating moments. On one such occasion, I made a genuine effort and placed my problem in God’s hands; still, things went wrong. I felt let down by God. I felt that my faith and confidence in God had shattered. I searched with all my heart to find the answer as to why things backfired. Through this experience, I learned that God has His ways of responding to everyone. One of His ways was to send good friends and unexpected strangers across my path. The most remarkable of them was the Navy Officer. I mentioned him earlier in the prologue. With disappointment, fury, and a high feeling of being cheated, I told him, “I did everything to reach this God and place my problem in His hand and see what has happened.”

The Navy Officer is one of the most soothing people I have ever met. His name is Fritz Mascarenhas. He listened to all I had to say and said, “I told you to put the problem in God’s hands.” I could not help raising my voice to say, “I did I did that, which is why I am so angry. I expected much better results after placing my trust in God.” And then the Navy Officer told me, in his usual buddy-buddy fashion, he said, “Greg, you placed your problem in God’s hands, and you expected a quick-acting response. When it did not come as fast as you thought, you got impatient and snatched the problem back from God’s hands. God has given you free will to leave the problem in His hands or take it back at any time. God knows why He has thought it best to delay it for your good, but at the same time, He respects your freedom to choose either His ways to solve the problem or your ways. So, Greg, think about it again.”

In my mind, this made profound sense. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was what I was doing. I gave the problem to God, and I snatched it back. – I had not cultivated patience.

TRUST IN GOD

We must trust God as a loving Father who only wants the best for us. However, he also has the added advantage: He can never make a mistake, and no power can send His efforts off on a tangent. In other words, He is all-powerful.

We would never dare to interfere with a professional while at work. For example, would we dare to wrench the instruments from the surgeon’s hands during an operation? Yet unconsciously, we do just that with God. It is not that we do this intentionally. We do it because we have not become aware of God personally. So, we unmindfully trust what we have experienced – to trust ourselves, our friends, and our advisors. We trust those we can see, hear, and feel; we rely on manufactured systems like the law, traditions, or customs. While I was on this subject, it became more apparent that we know nothing about God personally; we know precious little about ourselves, and the spouse is even more of a mystery.

On the other hand, God has the added advantage of knowing the spouse through and through – He made the spouse. Yes, even the very own spouse we happen to have! The Bible mentions it for all of us in a graphic way, as follows:

ISAIAH 49:16

16 “SEE, I HAVE INSCRIBED YOU ON THE PALM OF MY HANDS.”

From this point onwards, it became easier for me. Every time I felt impatient or tempted to take the problem into my own hands, I prayed, “Dear God, I am reaffirming to You that the problem is in Your hands I am not going to take it away from You. Do what You know is best I trust You, and give me the strength to keep on trusting You.” Many times a day, when anger, frustration, hurt, or resentment made its presence felt, I asked God to give me more faith; I asked Him not to let my trust in Him falter. Without knowing it, I was using a spiritual reflex action. Namely: –

Giving no room for the angry thought, hurt, frustration or resentment,
We are calling on God’s name.
Then, going one step further, ask God for Faith and Trust in Him.

I soon realized it was an efficient step. . Gradually, the dreadful ‘Down Draggers’ became ineffective. Slowly they came down to their rightful place. Namely, they became “Pointers,” which are ‘signals’ that something in the relationship is going wrong or ‘signals’ that something must change. If we are not careful, these ‘signals,’ when left to themselves, become ‘negative feelings.’ When left unchecked, these negative feelings tend to become “Masters” who take over to rule the behaviour. The spin-off results in ‘action.’ The action moves in two directions, either outward towards aggression or inwards to dash hopes down and do everything to make the mood miserable. Regardless of the way it moves, “Destruction” is the commonality.

REASON FOR CERTAIN CHAPTERS

GOD:

While the main thrust has been to view the influences of marriage, some parts resulted in me having to re-look at my outlook on many different circumstantial aspects. One of them was on “GOD.” What does God mean to me? How can I explain God to my fellow persons? Besides Christian friends, many of the people who encouraged me to write this book and showed interest in reading it were non-Christians. Therefore, I wrote the chapter EXPLANATIONS for the benefit of my non-Christian friends.”

SUFFERING:

The chapter “SUFFERING” came up because people who are separated suffer. Some may not always like to admit it. So, it was important to me to find out how a good God could allow His people to suffer. I almost wondered whether the word “Good” was a misplaced adjective or perhaps simply the wishful clamour of an unthinking mind.

Finding the answer to suffering became an obsession with me. So, I made it a point to search and ask priests, nuns, and anyone I thought would answer my question. But, somehow, the answers were not satisfying enough for me for a long time. I was not on the same frequency as their wavelength in faith.

LORD, I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE REAL

I can imagine how a person feels when going through what I went through. (And what my family went through during our separation.) I would imagine anyone would be just as desperate to find a solution. As I described earlier, I tried everything I could imagine trying and solve our problems. After all, separation was not the starting point of our attempts to solve our problems. It was evident that we had not been successful in our attempts to solve these problems. I tried almost all known avenues to solve this problem. We visited doctors, counsellors, priests, nuns, friends, family members, and fortunetellers. We made an excursion through this vast and varied assortment of people in all these occupations. Everywhere we went, we got a ray of hope, and before long, we realized this was just another false start and as ineffective as the previous attempt. I am not saying that these people’s skills, efforts, or attention were not good, but they had limitations. These sessions with all these professionals gave us temporary relief and time to restart again. It also provided a rich insight into how these professionals approach this subject. It gave me some clues as to how each professional will act. But more than all this, it gave me the comparative platform to compare their level of achievement with the level of achievement through faith in God. With lips, most people will admit that believing in God is more powerful than all those professionals. But how many of them can say they truly feel this in their hearts? When I look at things now, I can only say, “Lord, I praise and thank you for this rich comparative experience.”

Some readers may feel that I finally tried God after all these professional options. Something like another algebraic variable to solve the equation, and I was finally happy with the answer. Let me tell you; it did not happen like that at all. After I tried all options and every effort fell short of lasting results, I felt crushed. It was then, one afternoon, around 3 PM. On December 8, 1989, I yelled, “God, I want to know if you are real. I want to know if you care about what is happening in my life!” I had hardly finished the sentence. I was yelling when the doorbell rang. Fritz Mascarenhas, a former Navy officer who became a charismatic preacher, was at the door. Fritz Mascarenhas was instrumental in making people in India aware of the Charismatic Movement. He did not know me, which is quite understandable. But I knew about him, which is equally understandable; after all, he is one of India’s best lay preachers. It is just like the case that I know who the President of the USA is, but the President of the USA does not know who I am. I invited him in and was curious about what I could do for him or what brought him to me. It was only in the conversation that we both realized that there was some “Mistake” – He did not know me, and he was seeking someone else He had rung the “Wrong Doorbell.” For a moment, we both looked at each other in surprise. He knew deep inside that he did not ring the wrong doorbell – There was a purpose. Deep inside, I was happy that he rang the “Wrong Doorbell.” From then on, when I refer to this encounter, I affectionately refer to it as “the wrong doorbell’. Here we were both in the same room, which also happened to be my office. He did not expect to be in an office; – he was on an “in-official visit” to someone else. So, we struck up a conversation. I was inwardly looking at what brought him here. True, I yelled out to God. I do not doubt that my voice is loud enough to cover a simple distance from Earth to Heaven, but could it also wake up the neighbourhood??? Was I that loud??? Moreover, I was deep within my house, not in an outer room. Fritz, on the other hand, was looking outwards. Like. “Lord, this cannot be a mistake; this ‘mistake’ has a purpose; why am I here?” Our conversation moved, unsure because neither of us had planned this visit. He did not know why he made a mistake, and I did not understand how he could have made a mistake. Eventually, the topic moved to God. When Fritz spoke about God and His goodness, I gave him a fury-filled piece of my mind; I said, “God! — God is playing games in my life AND making a total hash out of it. – God is playing Chess out of me, and I am the one losing.”

I gave full vent to my frustration. Fritz did not say a word. Instead, he let me explode with all the disappointment I carried. Then, when I finished, he said, “I can see you have tried everything. Would you like me to pray?” For a moment, I looked at him in disbelief. I had just expounded all my frustrations and expected to see some high-powered end to this misery. But, instead, all He said: “Would you like me to pray for you?”

Anyway, with all the puff of expectation taken out of my sails, I said to myself, “Poor fellow, he also wants to give it a try. Let me be magnanimous; after all, the poor fellow has come at 3 p.m. in the burning hot sun. He had important things to do, and he has rung the wrong bell, which is probably a great embarrassment for him, let me give him a little consolation.” So, I said: “OK.” I then added,” What do you want me to do? Shall I stand or kneel?” He said, “Just sit down and be comfortable.” Then he came over to my side and knelt, put his hand on me and spoke his prayer to God. When he prayed, I realized there was a difference between him and me. I know “who God is” but “he knows God,” He knows God in a personal way. Even today, it is a moving incident in my memory.

When I began to seek God, exciting things happened. I can only praise and thank God that he sent Fritz that day to ring the “Wrong Doorbell.”

He was a friend through all those difficult days. I was blessed to have him guide me in searching for the Lord. I was also amazed at how seriously and swiftly God answered my heart’s cry. It is still a bit ethereal how one of the highest exponents of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal should be at my door when I yelled out, “God, I want to know if You are real.” Before he left, he made sure that I had prayers, a friend, an invitation to dinner (the first of many), an invitation to see him at home anytime and his telephone number to call him from anywhere at any time. It was the first of many unbelievable experiences that I was to have in the long process of solving this marriage separation.

There was also a side-by-side incident when Fritz rang the wrong bell – A pious elderly lady accompanied him. Let me call her Marie. When I opened the door, I did not see her. I did not know she was there, but she was outside my angle of view. Throughout the entire time, maybe 40 minutes, this pious lady stayed in the hot, burning sun and prayed earnestly to God that neither Fritz nor I would stumble. There was no shade from the scorching sun. She prayed silently for us in the hot fiery, mid-day sun. She heard every hot and explosive word I had to say, yet she never came under the doorway’s sunshade to cool herself. I would see her if she did, and civic decency would stop our sudden and unexpected efforts to find God. He probably did not want to tell me someone was outside for fear of losing me. When I walked him to the gate, I saw her; I said, “I am sorry I kept Fritz so long; I had no idea you were out. I would have asked you to come in.” She smiled and made some excuse, like, “— a little sunlight is good for me.” These are the silent sacrifices that total strangers made for my family and me in God’s name. May God Bless her- always.

CATHOLIC CHARISMATIC RENEWAL

One day, with grim determination, I set out to find an answer to the meaning of suffering once and for all. I heard of the “Inner Healing Ministry,” run by the Catholic Charismatic Renewal. Saturdays are full working days for me. After all, I have a business to run. There is no “End of the Week.” After hearing of the Inner Healing Ministry, I stopped work and went to the Inner Healing Ministry Saturday. The person at the door ushered me to a lady counsellor. I will call her Betty. This lady was a stranger to me. After briefly outlining my problem, I put my mission bluntly across:” I am here with one purpose. I want to know why God allows people to suffer. I am here to find a proper answer that makes sense to my thinking.” I am not always gravel-pounding in my ways. I never had to be. But sometimes, I take fact-finding ventures with determination; this was one of those times.

In our discussion, I also said, “My faith in this God is shattered; if anything can repair it, it has to be a clear-cut and understandable answer!” The lady said, “I know you want a precise answer that makes sense to your thinking. I will pray for you to find that answer.” Typically, after hearing something like this, I would have felt, “Here I am back again to square one.” But something remarkable about this lady’s confidence and a rare sweetness in her ways did not make me feel that I was back again to square one. While I was about to leave, she said, “Have a word with my husband; I will introduce him to you; he is over there. And, come over to our place for dinner.” I was consoled and thankful to God that He made the afternoon pleasant. Nevertheless, I could not help reminding Him that I had come all the way searching for Him and a specific answer to His unexplainable behaviour.

GOD’S ANSWER

The next day, I went to Sunday Mass. I went there with a searching HEART and a kind of restlessness. I told the Lord, “Yesterday, I stopped my work and shut my office to find some answers. I will not be happy unless I find a proper answer.” Then, the lectors came to do their reading. As usual, I would go through the motions of the holy mass, and soon I would switch off into my thoughts. Suddenly, during the second reading, I became acutely attentive to the following words:

ROMANS 5:3-5

3 “AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT WE ALSO GLORY IN TRIBULATIONS, KNOWING THAT TRIBULATION PRODUCES PERSEVERANCE,

4 AND PERSEVERANCE, CHARACTER AND CHARACTER HOPE.

5 NOW, HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT, BECAUSE THE LOVE OF GOD HAS BEEN POURED OUT IN OUR HEARTS BY THE HOLY SPIRIT WHO WAS GIVEN TO US.”

During the reading, I imagined an athlete practising . In a way, practice sessions are a tribulation; they tire the person, wear him down, lift burdensome weights, and run exhausting miles. But, in some way, these tribulations improve his stamina, perseverance, and character. He keeps at this with the hope of winning. It is this hope that makes all the hardships meaningful. He keeps at it and goes on cheerful from one training session to another because he has seen its meaning. Slowly, it dawned on me that my tribulations had a purpose.

These words made enormous sense to me, and I was ecstatic that God had responded to me. I looked around me to see how the other church members reacted to the reading, but there had no change in their expressions. It was then that I realized that even though everyone heard the words, I was suddenly alert at that time. And then I realized that besides satisfying my searching heart , getting a direct and appealing answer was a special privilege. My mind flashed back to the previous afternoon at the Inner Healing Session, where the lady, with sweetness and complete confidence, said, “I will pray that you find the answer.”

Now, when I see things in retrospect, I see the typical signs of the newcomer to God’s newfound experience. It is characteristic of the newcomer to try and find God with the intellect. A person tries to analyze God’s moves and wants answers. But he even goes one step further, and that is to demand answers. God saw the newcomer in me and was exceedingly kind to respond to my shallow attempts at structuring thoughts. He did not have to do it , but He did it, which is overwhelmingly great about Him.

Gradually I relied on God more in my efforts to seek answers. Before this, God was some divine being that our parents, teachers, and church told us. Then, I think God was an entity in realms beyond our conscious world – Accepted-but in a far and distant sense. Someone whom we will meet after we die. Now, I was trying to seek God here on Earth itself.

Then one day, I came across these words,

DEUTERONOMY. 4:29.

29 “BUT FROM THERE YOU WILL SEEK THE LORD YOUR GOD, AND YOU WILL FIND HIM IF YOU SEEK HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL.”

I was delighted to find this scripture quotation because I knew that my knowledge of God would certainly be very little, but my orientation was not pointless. So, this verse was a very encouraging assurance for me.

WAITING ON THE LORD

During separation, there were times when I would have nothing to do but wait before the Lord. There was not much else that I could do. Sometimes, I was exasperated, and I had the grace to pray. One day, while praying, I came across a small prayer card.

It read like this:

Jesus, who has said, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you”, through the intercession of Mary, Thy Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, and I ask that my prayer May be, granted. . . (Name the intention).

Jesus, who has said, “All that you ask the Father in My Name, He will grant you”, through the intercession of Mary, Thy Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Thy Father in Thy Name that my prayer May be, granted. . . (Name the intention).

Jesus, who has said, “Heaven and Earth shall pass away, but my word shall not pass”, through the intercession of Mary, Thy Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer is granted. . . . (Name the intention).

For the benefit of my non-Christian readers, Mary is the Earthly Lady whom God chooses to be the Earthly mother of His son, Jesus. We Catholics also refer to Mary as “Our Lady.” If God had so much trust in this lady, she would have to be very special. Jesus told the Apostle John at the cross, “BEHOLD THY MOTHER.” That means Jesus gave her to be our mother as well. As children in want, we request her to put our request before the Lord in a better way than we can do ourselves. Even in life, children sometimes feel they will ask mummy to ask daddy for some special request, especially when they do not feel that they can put it across in the best possible way.

These promises and assurances of Jesus Christ must work. Jesus did not just make promises for courtesy’s sake. But, of course, our request must be correct; we cannot expect God to grant us wrong wishes. Sometimes our desires are terrible, but we do not see them as incorrect wishes because, in our opinion, they appear to be correct.

So, armed with this prayer, I began to claim the promise of God. I told him, “I think if I ask You to repair my marriage, I am not going against Your plans.” I was confident there was nothing wrong with what I had asked Him, and He would honour His Promise. Yet, despite all these efforts, my marriage was not showing signs of repair. I was highly concerned about this lack of results because of different reasons.

Some of the reasons were:

On one side was a deep concern for the children, the impressions and scars they were receiving, and the wounds they would carry for life.

We (both of us) had often told the children, “God listens to the prayers of little children.” But even here, things did not seem to be working. I was beginning to look at the Lord with a view of telling Him. “Do not let my children feel; we bluffed them when Rose and I told them that God listens to the prayers of little children.”

I had to contend with my feelings. What else was there for me to do?

I also know beyond doubt that Rose was trying to reach God in her way. Yet, despite all our earnest efforts, nothing was working out.

Once again, I went back to my friend, Fritz and told him, “I have done what I think is everything within my powers. Why is God still holding back? Is there something missing, or is God so dead against our marriage?” Fritz never answers without praying. Slowly he said, “Greg, you have an area in yourself that still needs mastering. You have a lot of hurts; you have a lot of resentment. First, healing is necessary for these areas. You have a good intention to patch up your marriage, but you are not yet ready enough to withstand any re-occurrence of disturbing factors. There are good chances to believe that if these disturbing factors show up, you will explode in some impatient way (or your wife will). It would help if you had a lot of spiritual strength to withstand the pressures of dashed attempts. You must know that your wife also has a lot of hurts and resentments to cope with and is equally frustrated that things are backfiring when she tries. You must ask God to heal you of your wounds and hurts. You must ask God to bring you both into a frame of mind that will make you strong enough to stand over yourselves, your selfishness, and your ego. You must become strong enough not to be swayed and dragged down by new wiles that try to pull your marriage apart.”

His words made sense, and I was happy I knew what to improve. So, I put these points before the Lord and said, “Lord, teach me how to solve these points.”

Maybe there are quite a few people who would take their joys and sorrows personally to the Lord. It may even sound quite apparent to them. But I had to learn about it. At the age of 40 plus years!

It took one year and nine months for our reunification. I see now that there were good reasons for the request to be delayed. I realize now that I (We) needed time to reach a point of spiritual strength. While conflicts are raging, we have many areas of concern. As I said earlier, the children’s emotional scars were a significant concern for me. I was anxious; I feared that emotional damage and reconciliation would come too late to be of any use. I say this because my faith was scanty in this area. And my capabilities to feel God’s almighty ability were still to be developed.

HUMAN FAITH IS FACETTED

Human faith is facetted. We tend to have sides which show different intensities of faith. For Example, if we pray that God heals our physical sickness and a cure happens, we have strong confidence in God’s healing abilities as a physician. On the other hand, if we pray for an upward swing in the economy and it does not happen, we tend to have less faith in God’s grip over economics or the world situation. Therefore, we naturally make experiential linkups between confidence and thinking.

So, in like manner, I was naturally anxious because I had no experiential link- up with emotional scars to children. But on the other hand, there were other areas where I had made more experiential progress on matters of faith. So, I decided to take this problem to the Lord and place it in His hands. Somewhere along the line, I also asked: “Lord, I need an answer from you. I want to know how I can explain my concerns to myself. I am getting jumpy because You are not doing something fast enough.”

GOD’S ANSWER

Shortly after that, I read how the Apostle Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane took off the sword and cut off the ear of the high priest’s servant. St. Peter must have gotten panicky and thought that it would be too late before Jesus decided to act. So, he thought he better act fast and did something before it was too late.

Shortly after that, a stranger, a visiting priest, let me call him Fr. Abraham. He gave a talk at a religious meeting. I was listening in half pre-occupied way, but then suddenly, I became electrifyingly alert to the speaker as he said:

JOEL 2:25-26.

25 “SO, I WILL RESTORE TO YOU THE YEARS THAT THE SWARMING LOCUST HAVE EATEN.

26 YOU SHALL EAT IN PLENTY AND BE SATISFIED, AND PRAISE THE NAME OF THE LORD YOUR GOD.”

I felt that much-needed assurance that there would not be any damage. Right enough, when the children returned, there was no necessity to RE-WIN trust or confidence, same for Rose. There was now a pleasing need to make up and LIVE together again where there was once turmoil.

I was also concerned about bringing my newfound faith to my children. Speaking to children is “child’s play”, but I was unsure how to explain this newfound faith to Rose. I knew that we were all knocking at the door to God’s Heart, but we all chose different doors to knock on. I would seek God in one kind of religious environment or a church building, and Rose would seek Him in another church building. I was determined to find God through my intellect, reading the Bible, and listening to well-informed preachers.

On the other hand, Rose was trying to reach God through repetitive prayers like the rosary and novenas. This approach of repetitious prayers, like the rosary and novenas, is typical of how common it was among certain groups and the different people’s upbringing.

Looking back, I realize God only expects us to do our part, like searching for Him and surrendering to Him. He certainly does not anticipate us to do His work for Him. I see now that He would look after my children’s emotional scars and take the sting out. The same goes for Rose’s spiritual needs. He did not expect me to be able to do that for any of them.

GOD-SUFFICIENCY

As each day of searching went on, I realized I was somehow gathering other sets of thinking. These came either from reading or from listening. I became aware that consciously or unconsciously, we are working towards “Self-Sufficiency,” we learn many things and do many things to become more and more self-sufficient and now, slowly, in the wake of what was happening in my life. I got exposed to GOD-SUFFICIENCY; it took a conscious effort to give up the old “Self-Sufficiency” and change to “God-Sufficiency.” For me, the switchover was nice, but it took a definite and deliberate effort to shift the focus to:

MATTHEW 6:33-34

33 “BUT SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED TO YOU.”

34 THEREFORE DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW, FOR TOMORROW WILL WORRY ABOUT ITS OWN THINGS. SUFFICIENT FOR THE DAY IS ITS OWN TROUBLE.

Somewhere along the line, my perspective shifted from the “Here and Now” to an ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE. The things that were once uncompromisingly important and a reason to fight over things were far less critical. Trying to be correct in God’s eyes started gaining importance rather than being right in my eyes.

Of course, these objectives are lifelong, and progress is often slow, but knowing which direction to move is good. Many times, I felt how arduous all these tasks were. Trying to keep at it was mentally exhausting, despite knowing which direction I was heading. My friend often said, “Greg, lift your wife in prayer. Place her before the Lord. He knows how to make things harmonious once again. Lift your children also up to the Lord in Prayer. Ask God to give all of you more Faith.”

FRIENDS

Like Fritz, other good people just came into my life which the Lord guided to bring me a sense of friendship and good cheer and, in a very distinct way, to answer my seemingly endless string of questions. So let me describe some of these incidents to you:

While writing this epilogue, I had finished the draft copy, but somehow, I knew there was still some point I should write about, which is very relevant to our reunion. I had this strong feeling that I had to write about something, but I could not figure it out. So, I prayed about it. Then one day, quite soon after that, surprisingly, I met a lady outside the church. Let me call her Norma. This lady was a friend for many years and was prayerfully active in our reunification. I told her we were all together again and thanked her for her prayers. Then, quite unexpectedly, she said, “Greg, your reunion was possible because of the enormous gift of being able to FORGIVE that the Lord granted to both of you.” I was amazed by the directness of the words from this lady’s mouth. This lady, I feel, can bring a message to answer a searching mind before the other person brings up a point in a conversation. I am unsure whether she knows she can touch with remarkable accuracy. And can point to the exact relief for the other person. The beauty of it is that she can convey everything that matters in just one sentence. This conciseness amazes me. Many of these people I have met are just ordinary in every sense. I have often imagined that people with these abilities should be monks or hermits or religious in some way or the other. Instead, I was beginning to experience words of meaning coming from ordinary people. This lady helps at the intercessory ministry. It is one thing to make the human effort to volunteer time at the Intercession Ministry and another to receive the “Gift of Wisdom and Knowledge.” My assessment of this situation tells me she had an extraordinary answer for me. Once she gave me a clue about God’s gift of healing. I immediately knew I had to write about this point. I now had the thought print of what I had to express on paper.

While thinking and writing this point down, I realized how valid those words were. Unless I healed, my resentment would prevent the patching up. And resentment, as we have seen earlier, is the number one cause of disrupting the reunification process. Resentment is one factor that works from within; it works silently; it is willing to wait and then show up when the mind is less occupied. It waits patiently and moves in when we are more inclined to give in. These abilities give resentment the devastating power to break the bridge of reunion and dash down dreams repeatedly. Even after the bridges of re-unification are already successful. RESENTMENT can destroy lasting harmony.

INNER HEALING

RESENTMENT is why re-unification without “Inner-healing” is a lucky but fragile success. Therefore, we must note the point: NO INNER HEALING NO DURABILITY IN THE RE-UNIFICATION.”

While we are on this subject of ‘Resentment,’ it is worth reminding ourselves that resentment is the aftermath of something earlier. So, healing resentment is a curative measure. We have therefore got to lend some thought to the cause. In most cases, people tend to mistake the manifestations of the reason for the cause itself. The reasons are usually wide and varied; they also change from time to time and from situation to situation. They appear as remarks, like; she said to me, He does not care about my family,” etc. Or it may appear as a lack of interest or concern. However, if we go deep down to the roots of the problem, we find there is AT LEAST ONE TRIANGLE. – OFTEN, THERE ARE MORE TRIANGLES. Some triangles stand alone, but many are interconnected. In a marriage relationship, triangles are potentially dangerous to the harmony of a relationship. Fortunately, triangles are usually conspicuous when compared with other stimuli. In most cases, triangles are generally physical. That is why they are easier to recognize. For example, a typical physical triangle would be Husband – Wife – In-laws. In this case, all three components are physical. But there could be a case of two interconnected triangles because his in-laws are one component, and likewise, her in-laws are forming a separate triangle. Still, the common side for both triangles is husband-wife. Sometimes, one component may be a quasi-physical component: Husband-Wife-His work or Husband-Wife-Her career.

Briefly, Inner-Healing takes the sting out of past hurts so that it does not re-hurt the person’s sentiments again, and yet it keeps memory intact to remember and recognize the triangle if it should re-appear. As I kept thinking about these words, I felt that the healing was not confined to me alone but to the whole family. For example, the children were well despite the one year and nine months of separation. Rose came to a point where she could adequately re-attempt a new beginning. Somewhere in these feelings was the acknowledgement of all those feeble attempts I tried when I lifted my wife and children in prayer to the Lord.

PRAY

While we mention prayers, we must remember that praying is far easier when things are going well. When things go wrong, it is human nature to stop praying, get angry, demand, be disappointed with God, and be unhappy with those whom we label as the sources of our unhappiness. To pray when the mood is down is a challenge. It puts us to the point of deciding who rules the moments – Is it going to be anger, disappointment, or PRAYER?

While we are hurt and resentful, knowing how these components fit into the circuitry of human feelings and their development is well worth knowing. Whatever the stimulant of a bad situation that comes from outside, the first significant feeling that the recipient feels is HURT. If the hurt is nurtured (our fallen nature makes us naturally prone to facilitate a variety of negative emotions, and injury is one of these), this develops into BITTERNESS. HURT-BITTERNESS-HATRED gives rise to RESENTMENT. Other manifestations are backbiting, meanness, cruelty, unfriendliness, and revenge.

These factors gravitate toward HARD HEARTEDNESS in marriage simply because we do not want to be nasty and cruel. The heart is tricky; it wants to give the impression that it is good and appears acceptable to society, so it devises alternatives. Hard Heartedness is its disguise.

EXPERIENCES

Let me re-stress the statement; exciting things started to happen when I began to seek GOD as authentic. As I mentioned earlier in this book, I tried to solve our problem by exclusively relying on my abilities. I also tried intellectually to SEEK out SOURCES of help. My outlook at that time was, ‘GO OUT AND FIND PEACE.’ At that stage in my life, I was in the “Driver’s Seat,” trying to steer the moves in my life. Even if JESUS were to come along at that time, I would have impatiently waved Him to one of the passenger seats and continued to race around, trying to find solutions.

After many failures, miss-calculation, and dashed expectations and frustrations, I finally allowed JESUS to take control of my life. That is when things began to work. I was going through very definite experiences.

This willingness to seek God was when I was amazed at how fast GOD would respond one cry, and immediately the doorbell rang.

I realized He had His way of handling situations . I should go out and meet people and hunt out solutions. Somehow God thought differently. He brought a person right into my home.

I thought I had to “discover” God. But, on the other hand, He showed me that He must “reveal” Himself. He is not something humans can go out and discover.

I thought I had to get the situation under control. But, God was teaching me to “let go” and give Him control instead.

I should question His moves. But, instead, He showed me the proper thing to do was to TRUST Him.

Looking back now, I feel I went through 3 distinct stages. They were:

STAGE 1

The stage I thought I knew better was resourceful and could guide my destiny. I am in total control.

STAGE 2

At the stage when I gave JESUS control,

BUT

I felt it was necessary to advise JESUS and to question JESUS. For example, if He took a course that did not fit how I would have expected it, I was quick and ready to question His moves.

STAGE 3

The stage to give JESUS complete control. Knowing that nothing can go wrong if JESUS is in control. I trusted Jesus fully to relax; this was when I began to experience PEACE.

As an explanatory note:

For my non-Christian reader, there are three related terms:

BAPTISM
THE SACRAMENT OF CONFIRMATION
BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

The first stage is:

BAPTISM

Most Roman Catholics get baptized a few days after being born with water. This sacrament makes the person a Christian. The child’s Godparents and parents say the words of the sacrament on behalf of the child.

The second stage is:

THE SACRAMENT OF CONFIRMATION

The Roman Catholics and many other Christians have THE SACRAMENT OF CONFIRMATION, usually around thirteen. The point is: that the person states the intention to follow Christ with their mouth instead of the Parent’s or God-Parent’s mouth. So the shift is from PARENTAL COMMITMENT to PERSONAL COMMITMENT.

The third stage is:

BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT is personally more advanced; it invariably involves an adult. For example, the person receiving THE BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT could be above twenty-five, usually fully qualified and mature. The shift is from PERSONAL COMMITMENT to A HIGHER PERSONAL ALLEGIANCE TO GOD.

In other words, it is an adult form of surrendering ourselves to God.

Back to the topic:

BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

Before our reunification, I made those unsteady steps toward God; God came forward with a means to reach Him. This confidence to trust God is His gift of FAITH. As Faith grew, our bond became more robust. Finally, FAITH led me to surrender my will to God’s will and then to a Baptism of the Holy Spirit.

“Baptism of the Holy Spirit.” It is one of the optional ritual practices of the church. It is also a lesser-known practice in the church’s rituals; hence, many Christians are not knowledgeable enough in this area as they may be in other areas of the church’s rules.

To consider the Baptism of the Holy Spirit was a question. I had read a little about it earlier, but it was casual and of no personal concern to me then.

Let me explain how I heard about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit for the first time.

While I was a student in Germany, finding books in English was like finding ice cubes in the Sahara. These books were like Gold and precious because they were in English.

In some extraordinary way, a German stranger said, “I have a book in English. I cannot read English, would you like to have it? I eagerly grabbed it. The book was titled “The New Wine is Better.” It is about the life of Robert Thom. I enjoyed the book. As strangely as the book came my way, it left me and continued to someone else. I do not know to whom I gave it or who took it from my hostel room. All that remained in my impression was Robert Thorn’s search for God and his baptism of the Holy Spirit. At that time, it was nothing more than an exciting story.

Eight years later, I would have the substance to make an “informed decision.” It was remarkable; years ahead of my search for marriage, the Heart of God knew I would need this reading. But, at that time, it was just a book in English and a rare luxury to read in a foreign country. A book was a relaxation from the rough and tumble of technical formula, physics, mechanics, and all the exciting, God-inspired educational wonders.

I realized the Baptism of the Holy Spirit would be the ultimate solution. And in all fairness, I can genuinely say I was sincerely trying to establish a stronger bond with God. My own free will was strong towards that. In a frail way, a human being thinks, and I think, “Now, at last, I have found the formula to solve the problem.” I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit during our separation. Faith and inner strength did increase. There came a period of improved peace, and I felt elated. This phase is called the “Honeymoon phase,” , but I did not know the other certainties then. I only knew that suddenly after some time, my problems increased tremendously among other things, my marriage changed for the worse. My business orders became fewer and far between, and last-minute surprises and disasters plagued even those few orders. The company had one employee, a watchman stationed 35 KM. Disasters led me to a point where I began to wonder whether I had made a blunder in surrendering to God. Was He taking unreasonable advantage of my trust in Him? Was He playing reckless games with my life and cornering me into failure? Wrong, as things were, before surrendering to God, now things were worse. I was highly baffled. Fritz was my strong support. But as fate would have it, he went abroad for nine months on an evangelization mission. So, in many ways, I felt lost, abandoned, and let down. I was once again determined to find the answer to what was happening in my life. I searched, prayed, read books, read the Bible, and tried everything possible to solve this riddle. As blessings would have it, the same lady, Norma, whom I mentioned earlier while describing God’s gift of Inner Healing towards me, happened to be on the same road, and we had to walk together. I explained my problem to her. I told her I could not understand how things were getting worse instead of better. I am now wondering whether it was a colossal mistake to have surrendered to God. Before this surrender to God, I seemed to have a grip on things. Now, even the efforts to do things I imagine to be according to God’s ways are going wrong. My good efforts looked like acts of weakness and even stupidity.”

TEMPTATION IN THE WILDERNESS

When I finished what I had to say, this Norma said, in only one sentence, “Greg, you are going through the temptation in the wilderness.” Only one sentence! And yet this one sentence spoke volumes to me. It satisfied my searching mind. I immediately knew what the lady was referring to, so when I came home, I took my Bible and read the accounts of the temptation in the wilderness. Jesus’ temptation’s history in the wilderness – is described in MATT 4:1-11, MARK 1:12 -13, LUKE 4:1-13,

I immediately knew I had the answer I was searching for, and as I read and prayed over the Bible Readings, my downward twists of fate became more and more explainable. But even though I was sure I had the answer, I still prayed to God to reconfirm that this was His explanation. Then, a few days later, I read unexpectedly that in almost all cases, after a person receives the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, these people had experienced the ‘temptation in the wilderness.”

I am making a deliberate effort to write this point down because somehow, through the entire communications channels with people helping me on my road to Faith, this point was overlooked. If I had known this point, I would have avoided many heartaches. In His divine wisdom, God may let me experience the process of discovering the answer rather than explaining it before the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Maybe, experiencing the ordeal was essential to later writing about it. Whatever the reasons, I was sure this explanation would also be helpful for others. So, I prayed again to give me insight into whether this point was related only to me or was of importance to others as well. How was I to communicate this point to others? Once again, while reading scripture. I was suddenly more alert as I came to the following words,

MARK 1:12-13

12 “AND IMMEDIATELY, (AFTER THE BAPTISM) THE SPIRIT DROVE HIM INTO THE WILDERNESS.

13 AND HE WAS THERE IN THE WILDERNESS FORTY DAYS, TEMPTED BY SATAN, AND WAS WITH THE WILD BEASTS.”

The temptation in the wilderness always follows the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. The point I am making to my readers is to make them aware of this eventuality and not to be surprised (as I was) – when it happens. Knowing this point will instil a better and often much-needed sense of hope, trust, and power to see the phase through. Even though this phase is tough to bear, it is essential to become resilient. After withstanding this phase, one will have the inner strengths and confidence to withstand further trials with foreknowledge.

Speaking of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, I would like to mention that when a person receives this Baptism, there is usually an accompaniment of tears at some stage, perhaps in the privacy of one’s room. Tears are a widespread occurrence, so we should not be taken aback. Just treat it as normal. The same accompaniment of tears is also usual in deep inner healing secessions. I am writing this for my male readers because they may feel quite alarmed or embarrassed.

Maybe, some Catholic readers wonder, why have I not heard of this Baptism in the Holy Spirit? Is it something new? The answer is NO – It is not.

The Holy Bible has cited this Baptism of the Holy Spirit on several occasions. For example:

ACTS 10:23-48

“THE BOOK OF ACTS”, CHAPTER 2, DESCRIBES THIS BAPTISM. THEN AGAIN,

Jesus himself endorsed the baptism of water and the Holy Spirit. Please read

JOHN 3:1-8.

THE NEW BIRTH

1 THERE WAS A MAN OF THE PHARISEES NAMED NICODEMUS, A RULER OF THE JEWS.

2 THIS MAN CAME TO JESUS BY NIGHT AND SAID TO HIM, “RABBI, WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TEACHER COME FROM GOD; FOR NO ONE CAN DO THESE SIGNS THAT YOU DO UNLESS GOD IS WITH HIM.”

3 JESUS ANSWERED AND SAID TO HIM, “MOST ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, UNLESS ONE IS BORN AGAIN, HE CANNOT SEE THE KINGDOM OF GOD.”

4 NICODEMUS SAID TO HIM, “HOW CAN A MAN BE BORN WHEN HE IS OLD? CAN HE ENTER A SECOND TIME INTO HIS MOTHER’S WOMB AND BE BORN?”

5 JESUS ANSWERED, “MOST ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, UNLESS ONE IS BORN OF WATER AND THE SPIRIT, HE CANNOT ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

6 THAT WHICH IS BORN OF THE FLESH IS FLESH, AND THAT WHICH IS BORN OF THE SPIRIT IS SPIRIT.

7 DO NOT MARVEL THAT I SAID TO YOU, ‘YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN.’

8 THE WIND BLOWS WHERE IT WISHES, AND YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF IT, BUT CANNOT TELL WHERE IT COMES FROM AND WHERE IT GOES. SO IS EVERYONE WHO IS BORN OF THE SPIRIT.”

—

JOHN 3:5

5 JESUS ANSWERED, “MOST ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, UNLESS ONE IS BORN OF WATER AND THE HOLY SPIRIT, HE CANNOT ENTER INTO THE KINGDOM OF GOD.”

In humility, we know that no one can know the whole mind of God. Therefore, we try to explain things as best as we humanly can.

Sometimes people think they can receive the Holy Spirit during the Baptism of the Holy Spirit by “begging” for Him or “waiting on the Lord.” These are mistaken impressions. Our merits do not get the Holy Spirit. The FATHER, the WORD (Jesus), and the SPIRIT are co-equal; they have perfect unity and do not work in exclusion of one or another.

In our quest to find the Tri-Unite God, trying to find GOD THE FATHER and GOD THE SON may be comprehendible. But trying to find GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT may need an explanation. The explanation is: The only way to receive the Holy Spirit is to acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord of YOUR life. That Jesus Christ is sincerely undividedly Lord in and of your life. In other words, the Holy Spirit comes from accepting Jesus Christ as Lord completely. When we say “completely”, we mean He is not placed in a shared position in ‘our choices in life’ to occupy the “stage” with other gods. These other gods can be various things. – For example, to continue allegiance to other religions, talismans or treat Money, Power, Fame, Fortune, Drinks, Gambling, Vices etc., as items of sovereign importance and significance.

The Holy Spirit is through a promise.

JOHN 15:26

26 “BUT WHEN THE HELPER (HOLY SPIRIT) COMES, WHOM I SHALL SEND TO YOU FROM THE FATHER, THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH WHO PROCEEDS FROM THE FATHER, HE WILL TESTIFY OF ME.”

Some of my Catholic readers may wonder how the Holy Spirit and the Baptism of the Holy Spirit are not known. The answer is known and practised by The Sacrament of Confirmation. It involves the laying of hands and the anointing of the Holy Spirit. It is also about receiving the “Gift and Fruits of the Holy Spirit.” It is the very same thing as the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Most Catholics and Christians receive confirmation while they are in their teens. The adult Baptism of the Holy Spirit is the same, except that it is “Renewing,” the sacrament of confirmation, with a different level of age, maturity, and deeper awareness. This process is not mandatory. But it renews the sacrament.

One of the perspectives is different. A teenager receiving Confirmation is usually associated with new clothes, a class full of fellow teenagers, and a festive occasion. Maybe, the person receives gifts from parents and relatives. There is an outward festivity. At the Adult level, it is spiritually more inward.

More about my Faith Journey

DIVINE RETREAT CENTER – Muringoor – Kerala – India

The Divine Retreat Center is in a place called Muringoor. It is one of the most spiritual places I have ever visited in my search to find God. On my first visit, I was not sure what to expect. The experience was so unique as a personal satisfaction towards finding God that I returned a couple of months later with the draft of this book. It was a folder about 80 mm thick. I came to sit before the Lord and ask Him for His guidance on this book. I spent one week there. It was not my intention to write the book there. It may seem childlike to take a manuscript 400 Km to another place when we know God is everywhere. Here, I changed the idea to writing the book in English instead of German. I asked nobody and nobody told me to do so. It was just a feeling. The book might have to be for a more comprehensive reader’s circle. Strangely, now I live in Canada. Now it seems clear why I had to leave a beloved language to embrace a universal one. When I started the book, I had no idea that I would ever visit Canada, let alone live here and bring my family to live here. God’s ways are sometimes so unique that we can only grasp them from a distance and a time perspective.

I will mention a few points about the DIVINE RETREAT CENTER in Muringoor, South India.

This retreat centre conducts retreats all 365 days of the year. The retreat is a “Live-In Retreat,” which starts on Saturday and ends the following Saturday. The number of people coming for the services has been growing. When I visited The Divine Retreat Center for the third time, there was simultaneously preaching around the campus in seven languages. The English-speaking group was about 3,000 people; the regional language group amounted to 18,000 people. The other language groups have fewer participants. Twenty-two thousand people is an ordinary week. During the holidays, these gatherings swell to even greater numbers. There is no prior booking. Whoever comes at the door is taken in. The priests and organizers have complete faith that the amenities will stretch.; the Lord will provide beds, food, bathroom facilities or whatever is needed. No one gets a cough, cold, indigestion or any ailment. On the contrary, they receive healing in BODY, SOUL, and SPIRIT. Just feeding 22,000 people within one hour is a re-enactment of Jesus’ miracle of feeding the multitude. This miracle is repeated three times a day for all 365 days. Under any other circumstance, people would push and pull, trying to get ahead of the food queue. Not here. In any other place, swear words and brandishing of the impatient fist would happen. Not here. Everyone is peaceful from within. There is no anxiety that the food will run out. It never does. Second helping. Not a problem. On Wednesdays is the “COUPLE’S MASS.” Ladies have told me with great emotion that even their Wedding Mass did not move them a fraction of the meaningfulness and sacredness of this mass. The Blessings that happen are very sacred. Miracles happen by Faith, sometimes before one’s very own eyes. When I returned to Bangalore, I wondered how miracles could happen regularly in The Divine Retreat Center, and you do not hear about them in Bangalore.

Bangalore has a population of around 4.5 million (in 1997). So, Bangalore does not have a small population. Miracles happen, but how many people know about them and see them happen? Then one day, I felt I had the answer. At Muringoor, in one area of a few acres, 20,000 people are PRAISING AND THANKING GOD in one accord. It is the POWER of PRAISE that is doing wonders. The Holy Bible tells us that GOD DWELLS IN HIS PEOPLE’s PRAISES. – The saying is derived from the Psalm of the cross, Ps 22: 3

BUT YOU ARE HOLY,

ENTHRONED IN THE PRAISES OF ISRAEL.

Some bibles put it as:

GOD DWELLS IN THE PRAISES OF HIS PEOPLE.

When people thank and praise God, God is in their midst.

The difference between The Divine Retreat Center is that the Thanks and Praise is coherent (Channeled together), whereas, in other places, the Praise and Thanksgiving are incoherent and scattered.

Back to our story, Our RE-UNION – The back and forth of FAITH struggles.

After we patched up, there was a time of great satisfaction, and I will try to re-capture a few areas of happiness. These would be:

(a) Happiness between both of us.

(b) Happiness because of the children and their feelings.

(d) A sense of happiness knowing things are going well.

(e) A sense of peace with God, A strong feeling of trust and dependency on Him. A sense of security that Faith can bring. A sense of assurance that Faith in God will help us overcome other obstacles that may come up in the future.

Added to all the above was a sudden and unexpected “Up Swing” in the business, which far exceeded all plans and expectations. In five months, we reached the business target of the year. All in all, this was a very peace-filled time.

DANGER STRIKES AGAIN

Suddenly, out of the blue, trouble seemed to creep into the family and added to this, a crucial business deal threatened to disappear. The value represented a substantial amount of money and a chance to export. The emergence of these troubles made me feel let down.

I felt let down because of various reasons, but the two main reasons were:

(a) It would be unbearable to go through another family crisis. I cannot imagine how we all survived the first crisis. It was a miracle. But whether we could have the strength or the stamina to go through another crisis could be anyone’s guess. Another crisis was my anxiety.

(b) During our separation, I had the good fortune to come to experience the Lord. Gradually, I followed Him with much more devotion and son-ship than I ever had before. I trusted God more. I was encouraged to love Him more. It became easier to talk to Him all the time. God became more and more real to me. I came to depend on Him. There was a shift in my thinking. Before it was, “I (alone) steer the course of my life” now, it is, “Dear God, show me your ways. Help me to understand how You want me to do things. it is not I, but You (God).”

Despite all my human weaknesses and shortfalls, I honestly felt sincere in following Him. Yet, with potential danger lurking, I felt more let down by God than by the circumstances. I emphasized the words ‘I felt.’ Because “my feelings” are one thing, reality can be entirely different. Feelings, after all, are our interpretations, which we allow our mind and heart to dish out to us. Our anxiety drives those feelings. It is also a clue that we still need to master our fears.

So, with these feelings in my heart, I told God what I felt. In all frankness, I told him I felt let down by Him. During my long session, I enumerated many reasons why it would be a total disaster if He did not stamp out the brewing of another family disharmony. (It is not that I suspected God was unaware of the consequences of another family eruption, but I had to vent my feelings). I also did what I usually do not do. That is to tell people about all the good I have done or am doing. Here, I was telling God what steps I had taken to reach Him. To tell God about all the progress, I made in following Him. (As though it was all my accomplishments). I told God how much I came to trust Him and depend on Him. (Which was a Fact). After a long and tiring session, I finally said in exasperation. “Lord, what do you want to explain to me by this potentially lethal experience?”

NEW LEVELS

Interestingly, God never seemed to say a word through my lengthy monologue. After I said: Please tell me what You want to explain. I saw my relationship with Him and where it is now. To my surprise, He seemed to make me feel that I had a low-rung EROS similar relationship with Him. I regarded Him as a “Provider” to satisfy my wants and get me out of difficulties. Now, I have reached a point of a kind of a PHILIA relationship a kind of a 50-50 attitude. I would do my part through prayer, devotion, and trust in Him; in return, I expected Him to do His part. It was the illumination of this point that made me think deeply. I knew that God was somehow telling me:

Where I was and where I now am.
It was a way of telling me what happens to everyone when they make their Faith journey to experience the Lord personally.
I also felt that God was now bringing home the point that there was a level higher than the PHILIA level. That was the AGAPE (similar) level of Faith in Him.

While I thought more and more about it, I realized this is the level that separates good people from saints. The saints were not extraordinary or God’s special people, nor were they miracle workers. They were just people who went on to love God with an AGAPE yearning. They tried to serve God more faithfully. Despite all the difficulties, temptations, and hopelessness, they loved God.

While I thought more on this point, I realized that the saint’s choices were MANY, but their decision was ONE. I say this because they often face choosing to take an easier path. The easier way would have brought them instant relief, comfort, wealth, and fame, but their decision was always ONE to love God as selflessly as they humanly could. They did this amid trials, temptations, hardships and suffering. Yet, they decided to follow God through thick and thin, which gave them the power to go on, become extraordinary, become unique in God’s work, and perhaps even do miracles.

By this time, my family was back, and people who met us showed their reactions; some showed surprise, others showed gladness, and some spoke their thoughts directly. One person asked, “So your family is now staying with you?” In an unsure way, I replied, “Yes, so far, so good.” This Person immediately replied, “When the Lord heals, He does a perfect job. There are no half-half results with God.” It was God’s kind and remarkable way of answering the uncertainties of my heart and leading me to a higher level of TRUSTING HIM. This answer was exceptional because I never considered this particular person exceptionally holy. (Later, however, I discovered this man was very pious.) For the moment, it was as though God used this unlikely person, just a person from the locality, to be His mouthpiece. Strangely after this realization became clear to me, my problems lifted.

I am writing about this experience because I knew it takes a lot of effort to make our walk-in Faith. I also know many other people will make this decision. But, like me, they may also feel baffled if something should go wrong after making a sincere effort to follow God. And, like me, they may also feel let down. We should never imagine that we would never face discouragement attacks in the future. After we have progressed in faith, we should never imagine that the devil gets permanently discouraged, flings in the towel, and goes back to hell forever.

After we reunited, my children immediately got interested in this great and miraculous God who re-united their parents and made us one happy family.

Rose took more time. She was unsure of what was happening and how to explain things to herself. So, she watched and waited.

One day in March 1995, another lady came into my office. I will call her Frida. Frida asked whether we would buy two tickets to attend a 5-day Retreat. It would be Rs. 20 per head (approx. US $ 0.60). Let us not make any mistake; it is as difficult for a person in India to earn Rs. 20 then as it would be for someone in the US to earn $20. This lady came at 3 PM in the hot sun; I did not want to disappoint her. So, I bought two tickets and later told Rose, “I do not have money to buy you a mink coat, so I have bought these tickets so that we could attend the talks and prayers.” She immediately pointed out five full days between 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM. How can we shut the office down? So, I suggested we will do it like a relay. You go in the morning, and I will attend in the afternoon, and we will switch secessions depending on my business appointments.

She went for a part and did not take it seriously. Then suddenly, during the BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, she changed.

Two things happened simultaneously:

(1) THE BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

(2) I had spondylitis, so I was to wear a collar. I was in my early forties. During the prayer meeting, the speaker said, “Greg is healed of spondylitis – He is not in the hall. Rose claimed that healing for me. In her mind, she connected to Greg and spondylitis to her husband. The next day we both went to the meeting. The speaker repeated his message from the previous day and said, ”Greg is healed of spondylitis, and today he is in the room”.

The fact of the matter is I never had a spondylitis reoccurrence. More than thirty years have passed. I have lived in Canada for over twenty years and often walk outside at – 20 degrees Celcius. I have no trouble whatsoever.

WHEN THE LORD HEALS, IT IS COMPLETEDLY; THERE IS NO HALF-AND-HALF OUTCOME.

Back again to the topic:

Then she felt she should have attended all the talks and prayers, which she skipped. God was merciful; six months later, the same group returned, and this time we locked up the office and spent five days at the Retreat. The Blessings were tremendous. Before the retreat, my customer rang me up at 9 PM because he had tried to reach me the whole day. He gave me a large order over the phone. It became more unconstrained for the entire family to embrace God together. Until Rose came to this spiritual experience, it was as though we were on two different wavelengths of FAITH. It took five years to reach this point, and I often told God it would be much easier if Rose could also experience You. – Then, it will be easier for me to manage my Faith life in You. In time, God granted her the opportunity of coming very near to Him. He also bestowed her with the gifts of intercession and healing. These gifts evolved, and insights came as she spent time hearing the word of God.

God has His sense of timing. I do not know why five years should have passed before Rose could come to this more profound experience. All I know is that God’s timing is perfect.

Because of this experience, even the children’s Faith became more informed.

Imagine it! For five whole years, I was asking God to do something. I was even trying to reason out the advantages to Him. And then, one day, in His perfect sense of time, He provided the solution in seconds.

A friend once said, “Moving in Faith is like being in a rowing boat and trying to move upstream. To stay in the same place, one must keep rowing.”

MY THANKS

The coming back of my family meant a lot to me. These pages are a humble effort to thank God for all His mercy and goodness. It is also a sharing and encouragement to people experiencing a similar situation, either with themselves or with people known to them.

It is also my token of thanks to Rose, Ramona, and Dominic, who were, in fact, the precious reasons that gave me the strength and motivation to overcome our differences and the means to seek more Faith in God. So many times, I have walked down “Memory Lane” and remembered the thousand good and amusing experiences of my Dominic, Ramona and Rose. They were all incredible and left memories worth every reason to triumph over this struggle.

A special thanks to Rose’s Mum (and Dad, who passed away before we got married) and my Mum and Dad, who faithfully stood by us in prayer and in every human way possible.

And for all the relatives who tried to be prayerful and helpful.

No words are adequate to thank Fritz and his family for their spiritual guidance and support.

This point in my book may be the correct location to write about another good person. I want to write a few words about Fritz’s mother. – When her son, a Navy Officer, left the Navy to become a full-time preacher for evangelization, he was ahead of his time. Nobody knew what to make of this “Lay Person with a Mission.” Fritz held the prayer meeting in his parent’s house, where he also stayed. Slowly, more and more people came. Gradually, the people came not because they knew The Navy Officer or his family. They just came because of word of mouth. Their large hall could not contain everyone, bringing even more people every subsequent week. Finally, Fritz’s mother opened the doors to the other rooms so the people could attend. Many were total strangers. She made her house available to rank outsiders and strangers so they could hear the Word of God. In some ways, The Navy Officer’s mum reminds me of Lydia in the Bible (ACTS 16:14-15.). Lydia was a well-off lady who opened her house to St. Paul to preach the Good News.

14 NOW A CERTAIN WOMAN NAMED LYDIA HEARD US. SHE WAS A SELLER OF PURPLE FROM THE CITY OF THYATIRA, WHO WORSHIPED GOD. THE LORD OPENED HER HEART TO HEED THE THINGS SPOKEN BY PAUL.

15 AND WHEN SHE AND HER HOUSEHOLD WERE BAPTIZED, SHE BEGGED US, SAYING, “IF YOU HAVE JUDGED ME TO BE FAITHFUL TO THE LORD, COME TO MY HOUSE AND STAY.” SO SHE PERSUADED US.

In time his old school recognized his mission and put the school auditorium every Thursday at the disposal of this new prayer movement. The hall has a seating capacity of around 400 seats. I have often seen ordinary Thursday meetings so packed that people had to stand in any available space. Lucky people use the windowsills as seats. The less fortunate people attended the prayer gathering from outside the hall, relying on the words from the prayer hall to come through the window and door openings. If a simple city-wide convention takes place, there is no hall big enough for only one language group. A football field is a logical size. Today, there are several prayer meetings all over the city and towns and cities throughout India. This noble gesture of The Navy Officer’s mother to open her house, week after week, so that the Lord’s Prayer Meeting could take place has yielded countless people to get a more profound coming to the Lord. The Lord has multiplied her generosity by allowing numerous prayer groups across India. More and more people are still coming every day throughout the whole country. These tiny home meetings started around 1984. By 1990 the overview of the statistics was so extensive that there was no count. The Catholic Charismatic Renewal was growing by the minute.

BOOKS

I wish many thanks go to the many different writers of books who helped me find God through their writings. I also thank them because I learned a lot from them. I have mentioned six authors by name and put their writing in this book because I learned from them. I have done this because I found so much meaning in the authors’ writing. Mentioning them is my humble way of saying Thank You to them. I have not put their writing in this book because I want to create volume; this book already has many pages. However, I include them because they are inspirational and hopefully to my readers. – Their writings must go around for all to be inspired.

My thanks also go to the numerous people who lent me books to read. These books were a source of inspiration and consolation. Moreover, they never charged me a fee. So I do not charge a fee for my book. This book is the only way I can honour them.

My thanks to all those who prayed for us and helped us.

Usually, we mention people during a vote of thanks, and we forget someone. But, unfortunately, failing to mention people happens all the time. So, if I have left someone out by accident, I apologize and pray that God remembers them with love and blesses them.

ESSLINGEN an inspiration IN MY FAITH JOURNEY

It is also heartfelt thanks to ESSLINGEN. There are no words to describe what a strong bond and inspiration the memories of this place have been through all those difficult days. To me, ESSLINGEN was as whole-hearted and comforting as a friend. So some of this writing is a tribute to its formative years and ITS PEOPLE – EXCELLENT PEOPLE.

I am sure that many of my readers will ask why Greg mentions the town of ESSLINGEN in his book. Let me explain:

When I was young, I always wanted to study abroad. My dream was to study abroad in some country. I desired to study overseas and then open my own business. Some readers may wonder from where such ideas come. The reason is, My Dad had an internationally transferable job, so at that time, I had already lived in four countries. Each country was another fascination.

At the crossroads of my life between High School and higher education, I thought England or the US would be the places to go because language would not be a problem.

A young German Engineer and business associate of my father suggested Germany. Let me call him Christian. I said, “No, I am not good at languages, and I am very thankful I have got out of learning a compulsory second language in school.” He asked, “Are you ruling my country out because of language?” “Do not rule my country out just because of language. Visit my country; I will take you to whatever educational institution you want to see and then decide.”

It took just one visit and one week in Germany to make up my mind. After that, I decided to study in Germany. I was convinced and made this decision even before going to a language school. It is a decision that I have never regretted. I am thankful to him for his encouragement. May God Bless him and his family abundantly. My children have often asked me how I could have the nerve to take such a chance with my career. I smile and tell them I have taken many daring options, including deciding to marry their mother before seeing her. I tell them, “I do not know what the future holds, but I know WHO holds the future.” I know that God holds the future and loves me even more than I can love myself.

Because of that simple act of trust, I got a rewarding education.
I learned another language in the most enchanting and motivating way.
I learned about another culture through the acts and kindness of innumerable people.
I met and still have many wonderful friends from those days.
Those good-hearted people inspired me in so many ways. God had put kind and loving people across my path.

If I even attempted to write about the goodness of those people and many others I met at different times, I would fill many books. Nevertheless, let me mention a few sets of connected incidents:

One Sunday, on a beautiful September morning, the sun shone with all the radiance of God’s glory. It was one of those Sunday mornings where it would not have surprised anyone to find Jesus stepping off a cushion of the cloud onto the earth’s worldly floor and saying, “Hi- Peace be with you.” As I strolled down the road, thinking what a wonderful day, a lady standing next to sunshine yellow Ford Taunus, came up to me with her daughter and asked if I would like to visit them. I had no connection with this family. They were not my work friends or school friends or connected through familiar friends. They just went to the same church that I did.

St. Elisabeth Church is very artistic and built with ultra-modern styling. I later had the good fortune to meet someone who explained the architectural concept behind the design. The architect designed the church to represent a “tent” built with engineering dynamics and elegance. The idea was that we are all pilgrims, and the style symbolized man’s place of spiritual strength, rest and inspiration during this journey through life. I had the good fortune to look out of my hostel window and enjoy the splendour of this church every day.

Unfortunately, the audio version cannot portray this view.

Unfortunately, the audio version cannot portray this view.

Gesamtkirchengemeinde Esslingen

Every day when I looked out of my hostel room window, I saw this magnificent view of God’s divine providence to me.

—

Back to the family, I met at the church:

There was something so genuine and sincere about this family that impressed me. I do not think the lady speaks English because she and her husband only spoke to me in German. I was thrilled by this “Unexpected and out-of-the-blue invitation.” The afternoon went off so well, and I was delighted to be with one of the finest families I have ever met. Funny as this may sound, I could not help asking them a point-blank question, “Why did you invite me?” No one expected such a blunt question from a stranger visiting them for the first time. Maybe there was an unexpected directness from someone from a distant country. I was still very new to the language. Had I been more proficient in German, I may have said, “How come you are kind enough to invite me, a mere stranger in your town of 91,000 people.”

(On a side note:

My earlier school experiences with a forced second language were a repulsive compulsion. I still do not accept stupid political policymakers’ atrocity in the education system. Mixing politics with education is wrong. School life taught me to say less and write less in a second language so that the teacher will have less reason to pour more red ink on the second language part of the marks card.

On the other hand, in other areas of education, where the political influence was absent, one could learn knowledge meaningfully.)

Back to my visit to this family:

There was silence. There was a search for words, and no one was sure how to answer that question. Anyway, the lady of the house decided maybe it was up to her to break the silence since no one else was sure what to say. Her answer was good-heartedness that even I could see and feel with my limited language abilities. Now, as I look back, more than a quarter of a century has passed, and I am as thrilled today to have met this family as I was on that beautiful Sunday morning in September. It is memories of people like these who enriched my life. Experiences like these showed me that God has enriching ways of showing me how boundless His affections are. He showed me that: A New country was Not a problem; – Limited language was Not a problem. I suppose Jesus did not think my eyes of flesh needed to see Him step off a cushion of cloud. He has other exciting ways to do the same thing. Because of numerous people like these, languages became an exciting adventure. These are the people who enriched my life. People of My Esslingen. People of My God’s Esslingen.

My learning career has taken me to diverse places, including production centres of the best calibre. I was in a factory to learn how to become proficient in control engineering. I had the opportunity to learn how to make automatic systems and be trained in a technology where machines could dialogue with other machines automatically. God provided all the good things my younger heart aspired to accomplish.

While working in a factory, many people taught me. Let me tell you about an incident. The person who taught me was a man older than my father. He taught me many things and spoke to me about many things, including the hard days during the depression of the 1920-30 and the 2^nd World War days. These were the simple people in the factory who faced the hardship of depression and a world war. They were innocent victims of that painful period. He told me that during those days, they had no food. Those who could get jobs in factories were lucky. Every day they got paid. And the very next day, the money was worth nothing because of inflation. The inflation factor was in thousands per day. So, if the food ran out at the food queue, their money for the next day was worth 1/1000 the amount or less. It was cheaper to wallpaper the walls with currency notes than buy matchsticks. The country provided food for factory workers; the other people had long ration lines. So when the rations at the counter ran out, people went home empty-handed. Their money was worthless the next day.

Mrs Stoll, the factory owner’s wife of the world-renowned FESTO COMPANY, served food herself at the factory. This dear man told me, “I ate food from the hand of Mrs Stoll”; Other factory owners’ wives, like Mrs Stiefelmayer, the wife of the world-renowned C. STIEFELMAYER KG, did the same. I met some of these people as a guest in their homes. These people never told me how they helped out. I worked with their sons, and their sons never told me. When I met their daughter, their daughter never told me; neither did their business managers tell me about it. Then, finally, a simple man on the shop floor, who guided me in work-related skills, told me, “I ate food from the hand of Mrs Stoll”. I have never forgotten the meaning and gratitude in that man’s eyes and voice. In a way, he was not only telling me about himself alone, as an isolated case. He told me about the countless people who ate food from that dear lady’s hand. In just a straightforward statement, of an ordinary man, on the factory floor, I realized the exquisite grandeur of the person whose son gave me the privilege to learn and see the marvels of technology first-hand. As I write these words, at least 25 years have passed. I have forgotten many technical formulas and items from my study subjects during this time. Still, the profound memory of his words, “I ate food from the hand of Mrs Stoll,” has been chiselled in my heart with deep admiration. Her kindness and her husband’s supplying medicine to needy people in the village during those hard war days made deep impressions on my mind. This man on the factory floor made a more profound and lasting impact on my education than hours of exciting classroom lectures could have equalled in just a single sentence.

These people and many more people have done such deeds of kindness that lingered on to become MY DEAR ESSLINGEN. During the Great Depression and Second World War, those kind-hearted Stolls had one factory in a small town. Today, their two sons and daughters own multi-billion-dollar enterprises that produce manufactured items in at least 27 countries. Additionally, they own operations in 52 countries and have a service presence in over 176 countries worldwide. Somewhere around 10,000 employees keep this organization moving. I have no count on how many vendors and other services directly or indirectly benefit from this organization. I know the Travel Agents and the Petrol Station have set up operations on their property because several executives fly worldwide at any given time, and many move quickly. As for the Petrol station, it seems more logical to move the petrol station to the employees than have the employees move to the petrol stations. I think that is what the marketing gurus may term analogous to having a Captive Customer Circle. I term it as God’s abundance to them.

The Stolls could not deliver medicines from house to house, so they asked someone to do this on their behalf. I worked with the son of the man who carried the medicines during those hard days. I will call him Harold. My friend’s father took a dangerous chance and many risks because such commodities were exclusively for the privileged. He risked interrogation to bring medical relief. Wars have difficult sides, but they also bring out selfless bravery. My friend’s father was blind in one eye.

My friend, this man’s son, was given three Mercedes Benz in India during the 1990s. At that time, Mercedes had no manufacturing in India. Mercedes were imported from Germany at 320% customs duty on CIF value. At the time of this book, it was a luxury to sit even once in a Mercedes Benz. Owning a Mercedes Benz was beyond the moon. He had three! Just imagine! Even the son of the man who carried the medicines inherits the Lord’s blessing. More than 50 years have passed since the war, and his son continues to inherit blessings. The Lord’s promise is always impeccably sincere:

—

LUKE 6:38

”38 GIVE AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU: GOOD MEASURE, PRESSED DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER, AND RUNNING OVER WILL BE PUT INTO YOUR BOSOM. FOR WITH THE SAME MEASURE THAT YOU USE, IT WILL BE MEASURED BACK TO YOU.”

STIEFELMAYER makes some of the most precise measuring instruments in the world. Yet even more significant was their will to cultivate young people through teaching. Their knowledge was fantastic, and their everyday work involved precision in the micron and sub-micron levels of accuracy, but more than this, their education was inspirational. Put very simply, it was TECHNOLOGY FROM THE HEART. It was a culture that the owners and all their employees had. It was a gift from God. With these ingredients of human virtue, – the quality of all their products was never an accident. – It was the reliable and expected RESULT found in exceptional products. Their entire work team wanted to excel through their inner motivation and drive.

These people had friends in India. Two of them were first-generation business people. Let me call them LG and Gopal. These two men had the vision to help people by creating jobs. These Indian businessmen’s sons carried on their vision. Today they own many businesses and employ thousands of people in different locations around the country. While it is possible to count the number of employees and calculate the monthly salary budget, it is impossible to know how many people have benefited from the jobs these people created. After all, it would be fair to imagine that many employees had wives and children. Between 1950 to 1990, very few people had a retirement pension in India. Many families had older parents and relatives who lived on these jobs’ earnings. Furthermore, there is no calculatable price tag to the “Self- Worth” that these jobs created:

It uplifts the employee’s self-worth.
It uplifts their wives when asked where their husbands work.
It uplifts their children when asked things regarding their parent’s working status. These children could put their heads up with the others whose parents had jobs.
It enabled these children’s education. But unfortunately, even Kindergarten education in India is not free.
The Technology and Management skills that these jobs have developed.
And many more things too numerous to list out.

The spin-off of their good intentions is that: Their sons carried on their parent’s vision. There was unity among the sons. These are great blessings from God. There is too much information about little schools, kindergartens, and other pet projects of immense value to the less fortunate that their wives have enabled for this book. – Only the angels in heaven can keep those records of blessings up to date. These people are not snobs in any way. – I have met some of them face to face at different times with ample opportunity to chat. They are blessed. The son of one of the gentlemen has, among other things, a Rolls Royce in India. Many politicians worldwide do not have a Rolls Royce for their official use. At the time of writing this book, the sons of the other gentleman had acquired their next plane. – A bigger one. They already owned a private Airstrip. We must remember that all this happened in India between the end of the Second World War and 1990.

Another first-generation businessman in Bangalore I met outside my work activities had a similar vision. Let me call him David. He, too, created many hundreds of jobs. But, like the other two mentioned above, he started from scratch. While I sought his business advice, he told me he had recently bought several hundred acres of coffee estates. I was surprised that he had not seen the estates before buying them. The first time he saw the estates was when he cut the ribbon. Almost simultaneously, he bought two coconut plantations, each about 200 acres. Buying two hundred acres in India is very different from buying two hundred acres in Canada. He had excellent people to do the work. People he could trust fully – A gift of the Lord to a good man and his wife and children!

Even though I mention cars, planes, estates, and other things, this is not the focus when citing these people. Instead, I focus on these people striving to do good for the all-around lift and benefit others. Good things just fell into place in their lives. They are first-generation or second-generation businesspeople willing to do good. They would do the same good things regardless of rewards – This is the point I am trying to bring out. These acts of helping other people were the rich experience I saw right before me. I am thankful that God had an inspiring way of communicating things with me.

—

We have come to almost the end of this EPILOGUE.

The EPILOGUE is about God. But in addition, it is about situations and people who helped us win our marriage. So the EPILOGUE is the story of success.

Many people have helped us through the years. But, unfortunately, there is simply no way to write about all of them.

—

I want to mention three sets of people and incidents. In some way, I riddled to find a location in this book to mention them; then, I said I would put them as the crowing remark as I close this book. Their good deed was a fitting tribute to the success in our lives and this book.

Christen
Guenther and Annie
Rose, Ramona and Dominic

Christen

A little earlier, I mentioned Christen. He was the one who asked me. “Are you ruling out my country because of language? – Germany has very good Engineering Schools”, “I will take you anywhere in Germany to select a school of your choice.”. His confidence in his voice thrust confidence in me to study in Germany and treat learning German as a little bump along the path.

Christen never taught me Engineering. Instead, he went beyond that to break my inhibition about studying Engineering in a foreign language.

He radiated confidence in his country’s ability to teach and make a career well.

“I will take you anywhere to select a school of your choice.” Again, he demonstrated his will to make me succeed.

I left Germany in 1980. In 2022 I translated this book into German. – All 30 Chapters, put both texts on the World Wide Web for anyone to read.

Translating this book into German was not a task but rather a flaming passion within me.- The world has to know God’s greatness in my life.

Unfortunately, the German version took 42 years because of work and time constraints. However, The endearment towards the German people and their language has no time boundaries.

In short, Christen and his conviction inspired me.

—

Guenther and Annie

The story goes like this:

In 1972 Mr Helmut Schmidt visited My Esslingen. He was campaigning for the elections. He was a hot favourite to become Chancellor of Germany. So I went to see this person of great potential.

(In the following months, it proved that my feelings were right. Mr Helmut Schmidt became possibly the most outstanding Chancellor in Germany.)

—

Guenter saw me at the rally and later introduced himself on the way home from this meeting, and we became friends. Two strangers became friends.

For some reason, He took me to be his travel companion when he visited Annie, who lived in a different town. Later I was at his wedding, his children’s baptism, and countless other family events.

—

When I was to return to school after my two-year industry semesters, He spoke with the Head of the Technical Faculty to secure a seat. While I was in India, he cut through the paperwork and formalities.

He also arranged the study’s financial arrangements. This arrangement gave me “peace of mind” to concentrate on my studies.

—

As a result, I worked in Engineering in Europe, Asia and Canada – Three continents in my total engineering capacity. – I faced No qualification recognition barriers in either of the three continents.

—

Guenther and Annie never taught me Engineering subjects, but they made it possible for me to have “peace of mind” while the expert teachers taught me.

—

I retired from my Engineering profession after an entire occupational life. Many people who immigrated to another country cannot easily say that.

—

This study gave me the confidence to open and run a successful Engineering company FERNANDEZ SPECIAL PURPOSE MACHINES – manufacturing Automatic machines.

Guenther and Annie made this possible.

—

Yet later, when I decided to settle in another country, Guenter and Annie helped me realize this dream.

—

In 2023 Guenter and Annie will celebrate their Golden Jubilee. So you see, our friendship continues way past half a century.

—

Rose, Ramona and Dominic

In the same breath, I have to say Rose played her part in encouraging me.

Rose took the task of giving me wings of encouragement to make my dream come true. She did not flinch from her role to encourage.

Ramona and Dominic encouraged me in thousands of ways. Right early, counting and sorting out Screws, Nuts and Washers into assembly groups. Then, placing these items in locations to smooth up the assembly process. Later they moved to more advanced tasks. Their help gladdened a father’s heart and a mother’s too.

People may wonder why a person who has successfully made it in his country wants to leave and create a new start in another country. Simple: My parents allowed me to study in another country. I wanted to give my children the same opportunity. Ramona has a PhD, and Dominic has his own business. So Rose and I feel we gained through the progress of our children. So the move to relocate was well rewarded.

—

INSPIRATION GIVERS

I am mentioning these three incidents not because they taught me school subjects but because they INSPIRED ME for life.

I am mentioning these points because ANYONE can remarkably inspire people. Money, High Education, and Age may help. However, the Core values of Goodness inspire people to reach goals beyond themselves.

—-

The Bible puts it this way:

LUKE 6:38

GIVE, AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU: GOOD MEASURE, PRESSED DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER, AND RUNNING OVER WILL BE PUT INTO YOUR BOSOM. FOR WITH THE SAME MEASURE THAT YOU USE, IT WILL BE MEASURED BACK TO YOU.”

So, you see, MY ESSLINGEN and the places I have lived in brought me face to face with people who lived the Gospel and put faith into action.

Many times, during my struggle, I re-walked down memory lane and re-remembered the kindness, love, warmth and friendship of the people of this beautiful patch of heaven. Deep in the centre of every person’s life is a memory of something we cherish, which belonged to our yesterdays.

We are blessed if we can go and see and feel an ESSLINGEN in our life.

After our reunion, I wrote AUTHOR’S INTRODUCTION, EPILOG, and four other chapters. Strangely there was a feeling that there was still something more to write. I did not have the feeling that the book was over. So, I waited to see if the feeling persisted. One day during the night meals, there was a strong urge to write more. The result of this urge was the last four chapters. On FEAR AND THREAT, CONSTELLATION OF FACTORS, SINS, and PRAY. Once I put these chapters in the manuscript, I felt the book content was complete. Before releasing the book, I had “a burden” to include “The Ramification of Sin” within Chapter SIN. In these few years between 1997 and 2004, I have felt that people do not fully realize what happens due to sin. Consequently, a lot of unnecessary unhappiness steps into people’s lives. I now feel a sense of having completed a job – a satisfying feeling.

I have deliberately and willfully avoided trying to mellow down any text that would seem strainful. I have allowed it to remain because I want the undertone of the feeling to be intact and authentic to my perceptions and how the metamorphoses gradually took place. If any of my readers are going through a crisis, this is my way of identifying with these persons. They are not alone. I want to walk with them through these pages on that road where they come to experience the Lord personally. The experience that has the power to transform their life from:

From Grief to Glory and from Strife to Story.

God Bless You.

GREGORY FERNANDEZ

1 January 1997

If you find this book has helped you, please copy it and give it to your friends. Helping people is why this book is in an electronic format.

If you translate this book, please send me the translation.

If you have comments or suggestions, please feel free to contact me: My address is: challengedtowin@yahoo.com

—

ADDENDUM

No. 1 (Dec 2006)

This book is my way of evangelizing.

God saved our family; I cannot repay God for His kindness. I can only be a witness to others of the great things He has done in my life and my family’s life.

By August 2006, this book was in 118 countries.

By August 2006, a US publisher approached me to print this book. They also gave me absolute rights to maintain the book ownership rights. Additionally, they offered to market the book for a fee. At the same time, I also had the right to sell the book independently and approach any parallel publication anywhere. All in all, it was a good deal.

My conviction was:

I do not charge God’s children a fee.

By Oct. 2006, Ramona (earlier) and Dominic had graduated from top Canadian Universities.

By Dec. 2006, CHALLENGED TO WIN was an officially registered Copyright in Canada.

In my quest to evangelise, there were some challenges circulating the book.

I am mentioning the points to help other like-minded writers.

Now came the time to review what I wrote in the very first chapter of this book:

“I am not writing this book because I want to make money or commercialize my efforts. I do not want to make money on marital sorrow and strife. God has been very kind to me. I merely want to help people like myself.”

By sending this book as a CD, I got it (through my efforts) to 118 countries. But unfortunately, I was touching a tiny reader circle at a slow pace. The idea was perhaps noble, but the pace was too slow and relied on my efforts alone. So at the rate of one book at a time, even though 118 countries received it.

I came to this point where I had to realize:

Insufficient circulation.

Many people automatically think a free book is worth nothing like a more sophisticated ‘Junk Flyer.’ So, for them, the book has no value. People need to feel that it costs them something to value it. When they think of a price for the book, they read it or pass it on to someone in need.

Value is the same thought process for people to present a gift. In short, a Pricy present equals a HIGH VALUE, – Free book equals NO VALUE.

From a feasibility point of view, taking a CD and printing it will become more expensive than a production-run published book. Today the email has overcome the link to perceived WORTH.

The initial effort of using this book as an evangelization tool was towards religious people because people in broken marriages ultimately seek a spiritual solution.

It later dawned on me; that I should not expect religious people have extra cash to do more evangelization than they already do.

I was part of the Church’s parish council when I lived in India. Our parish collection was among the richest in Bangalore. Ordinary Sunday’s collections were in thousands; Feast days were in several more thousands. And then I met a priest from a nearby village, hardly 30 Km. away. He told me that the Christmas Day collection in his parish was Rs. 1.11. That is about 2 cents in US currency- this was the collection for the whole parish on Christmas Day! He also told me that the poor people looked to him to give them a treat because it was the Church’s big day, and he was like, “Their Boss of the Church.” I know that the priests get a very, very little allowance. This priest had to spend his meagre salary to keep up the face of the Church and the greatness of our religion. This situation is in many villages all over the world.

Often, they must make a painful decision between sending some money for a sick family member or keeping the church’s face. Think of the silent struggle and heart-wrenching decisions priests must make. The poor priest can talk to no one.

Affluent countries have other problems. Everything looks comfortable, but there is a high price for wages, heating, air-conditioning, upkeep, taxes, building repairs, lawn care, snow clearing, etc. And there is a steep decline in the number of people who attend church. The consequence is that the Church collections dwindle proportionally. Everywhere the religious congregations must manage a tight budget. If they want to do any form of Outreach, they need money.

In a way, this book allowed me to chat with different people in faraway countries. One such opportunity was with a European priest in the UAE. People generally imagine everyone in the UAE must be “Super Well-Off.” However, this priest told me that his flock has many people who are not “well off.”

When I started this book, I thought of 20-30 copies as the total expanse of my evangelization program. And then, I would be done with evangelization. After all, let us face it, I am not a priest

As the sole author and owner of this book, CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ, I allow you to copy the contents to do your evangelization. The object is to help people and make it possible to help others. Evangelization does not hurt people financially, especially those trying to spread God’s message of love.

In a way, I am aware that not everyone has a computer. However, if evangelization is sincere, the means will come. The next great saint may happen because you desire to communicate God’s Message.

The simple fact is communication between you, that person or family and the Almighty God. I may never know about it. Humanly I will feel very nice and encouraged to know about any good, but then there is no obligation to let me know if I need encouragement and a little balm for my soul. God already knows what to do.

Miracles and God-designed surprises still happen out of the blue; on the 12^th of April 2007, I got an e-mail from a total stranger. I was reluctant to open the E-mail because of Virus. Then I told myself, I have one of the best Virus protection software on the market; let me open the e-mail. The e-mail was from VIET NAM. A kind young bishop in Viet Nam, Most Rev. Bishop Joseph Vu Van Thien, passed the CD to his friend, Mr Tran Duc Hai, to translate it into Vietnamese. Mr Hai also sent me what he had already translated up to that date by e-mail. He sent me 117 pages of translation, typed in electronic format in Vietnamese. This document is readable in MS WORD. In time Mr Hai sent me the complete translation.

I do not know Vietnamese, but from the verse and verse numbers of the bible, quotations, like Ps 18:30, Chapter numbers etc. I have an idea of where he has reached in the translation. Never in my wildest imagination did I think that the first complete translation would be in Vietnamese. It is surprising and remarkable how the Lord works. I had never met Bishop Thien or Mr Hai. They live in Viet Nam, and I live in Canada. I do not know Vietnamese, and yet the Lord saw no boundaries. We are living through the verse found in Acts 1:8.

8 BUT YOU SHALL RECEIVE POWER WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS COME UPON YOU; AND YOU SHALL BE WITNESSES TO ME IN JERUSALEM, AND IN ALL JUDEA AND SAMARIA, AND TO THE END OF THE EARTH.”

Mr Hai’s e-mail was well written, like “We are one in the Lord.” In my thoughts, I imagined the first translation would be German or Spanish or Tagalog or Arabic. But, in a very affectionate way, the Lord was pointing me towards:

IS 55:8-9

8″FOR MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, NOR ARE YOUR WAYS MY WAYS,” SAYS THE LORD.

9″FOR AS THE HEAVENS ARE HIGHER THAN THE EARTH, SO ARE MY WAYS HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS, AND MY THOUGHTS THAN YOUR THOUGHTS.

In reverence and happiness with the Lord, this experience is spellbinding. The words of His Evangelization in CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ will now go out in a tongue I never learnt.

Mr Hai translated the whole book. The translation was in the book up to 2021. In 2022, I updated the book. I upgraded the translation. Regardless of this new text revision, his kindness was always a heartfelt start and motivation.

13) Around 20 May 2013, a young lady named Sabine Koenig in Germany offered to help me translate this book into German. Her willingness to help with the translation means a lot to me. Her ability to capture written English’s “Moods and Flavours” and bring her thoughts with remarkable precision into German is impressive. I never met Sabine. The Lord brings the correct people. Her workload was too much to be able to translate a whole book. Nevertheless, her kindness in trying the translation is inspiring, especially in those early days, as I attempted to convey my thoughts in German.

Sabine did two chapters. The translation was in the book up to 2021. In 2022, I updated the book. Her kindness is always a heartfelt start and motivation despite this complete and new text development.

14) God’s ways go beyond what we even know to ask of Him. For example, in 2013, Ramona went to Yale University in New Haven. Connecticut USA. She did not go there to do her Doctorate; she already has a PhD from one of Canada’s leading Universities. She was already a Lecturer and Research Assistant in Canada. She went to Yale on a Fellowship.

15) In 2014, she became an Adjunct Assistant Professor at Yale. Yale has a star cast of Alumni and a rating among the top 3 Universities in the World. So God gave her a Professorship THERE.

16) Dominic has owned a business since his first year at university. He designs Prototyping, Hardware, and Projects for entrepreneurs’ businesses. His work spots are across continents.

17) In my efforts to spread CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ, Dominic came to my rescue by creating the website:

www.challengedtowin.com

18) Think about it: We came to Canada each with one 20 Kg suitcase. But see, God made unbelievable things happen in the lives of ordinary people.

19) In 2022, the Puerto Rico team used Dominic-manufactured shoes at the 2022 WINTER PARALYMPICS in Beijing, China.

20) In 2022, A revised and updated:

CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ in English.

21) In 2022, A revised and updated:

CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ in German.

22) In 2023, NEW:

CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ in English Audio.

23) In 2023, NEW:

CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ in German Audio.

24) In 2023, A revised and updated:

CHALLENGED TO WIN BY GREGORY FERNANDEZ in Vietnamese.

—

Articles by other kind people. I was encouraged by their writings.

I cannot repay these writers for their kindness to me.

The text of these different authors was beneficial and inspiring for me. I think it is inspiring for my German-speaking audience. Even though my translation will not equal the grandeur of their writing or their dedication, I have done my best to translate their inspiring words and let them be a blessing to others who speak another language.

I have retained the wording and the original writing style of those authors.

THE GENTLE ART OF CARING

By Muriel Anderson.

My growing up was done in a small town, and, as I think back, it seems to me we kids had the modern psychologists beaten hollow.

We could tell you in two seconds flat which people in our street had the most, empathy, and we did not even know there was such a word! There were lots of other things we could tell you straight off, too, like which wealthy men in our town loved their money and which ones loved their families. We knew the spinster ladies who suffered from chronic self-pity and loneliness, and the ones who had rich, full lives, stretching the hours out like rubber bands to encompass church, the sick, the children of their neighborhood, their gardens.

We could rattle off the names of the good mothers and the not-so-good ones; – we had our own rules for deciding. The good ones kissed a hurt away, planned picnics for the family, came away from scrubbing a floor to see the first robin or the first snowman of the season, went to the school- plays and smiled with their eyes as well as their mouths when you gave them a freshly picked bunch of wild buttercups in the spring.

There were other things we knew, too, such as the screamers and the shouters, “Keep off the clean kitchen floor with those muddy shoes, you kids!” Was Mrs. Jumpy? Her husband was, “Get off that lawn!” Mrs. Edgy was, “For goodness sake, stop all that noise!” We knew the quiet ones who smiled and said, “Maybe you children would like to take your muddy shoes off before you walk across the nice clean floor.” Or, “How about using the path and letting the lawn grow today?”

We knew every biscuit-tin owner in our part of town and the kind of biscuits in each tin. The biscuit Ladies were usually the same ones who noticed when we get new roller skates and who took the time to stand on the doorstep and cheer us on our first wobbly trip along the pavement.

They were the ones, too, who noticed new shoes or a missing tooth, and when we ran into them at the grocer’s they often said to old Mrs. Jones, “And maybe you will find a lollipop or two for my little friends here.”

By the time we were in kindergarten we knew the people we could talk to, the ones who understood when a new baby came or when Grandpa died or when Mother had to go to

the hospital. They gave us lemonade in summer and hot chocolate in winter, and listened to our problems and told us cheerful, wonderful things that made us feel much better inside.

We kind of knew the best teachers at our school, too. We wouldn’t have understood what, ‘dedicated’ meant, but we could point out the ones who smiled when they helped us on with our galoshes, and the ones who let us make real home made valentines in class. They were the teachers who really liked our little school and who really liked us. We weren’t old enough to understand about the other kind, the ones who were marking time in our school on the way to the city and a better salary or on the way to the altar, or on the way to their next degree, or who had let circumstances sour their personalities. All we knew was that some teachers made us feel good and made the sun shine even on cloudy days.

I do not suppose we would have understood then, even if we’d been told that some people are born with a greater talent for caring, in the same way some have a greater talent for art or music. While for others it is an asset that must be acquired.

Those who are born with it have a great gift to start with, and those who acquire it are blessed, too, in the very learning. Some learn after a tragedy, or after a period of deep self-appraisal that sets off an almost volcanic eruption. Such an eruption can release a dormant talent for really caring about others, an ability to want to understand them, to take a deep interest in their lives and future.

Today, I understand all these things and I still do not need the psychologist’s explanation. I know the people who care and I still gravitate towards them as I did back in the little town where I grew up. I know just which people can raise my spirits, make my day a brighter one, and make me happier for just a few minutes in their company. Always it is the man or woman who knows the gentle art of caring.

—

Here is an article written by a woman for women. The Wit, charm and style make it meaningful reading.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND

 By Cynthia Lindsay

Getting on well with a husband requires far more than the ability to look both pretty and un-harassed during domesticity’s trying moments. It requires a basic instinct to know what not to say and when not to say it.

You never know what may have happened to the man a few minutes ago. He could have had a row with the boss so he thinks you are extravagant when you tell him you want a new hair-ribbon. On the other hand, he may have won a big contract, been complimented by the managing director of the company or been told by his secretary that he reminds her of Cary Grant. In which event he may say, it’s time you had a fur coat. You never know.

Try to size up the situation before you commit yourself to any statement. But do not think for too long without saying something, because then he is going to ask, what are you sulking about? You haven’t said a word since I got home.

Here are ten rules, tested in the home and the divorce court, on what you must never bring up if you want a sublime marriage.

1. Never say, “How do I look?” You’re wasting your time and his. If you do not look all right, he will notice. If you do, he will not. Straggling hair, slip showing or crooked lipstick will catch his eye immediately. A new hair-do, loss of four pounds or a smart dress, – never. The best you can hope for as an answer to the question is, “Fine, dear!” WHILE he reads the sports page.

2. When he says, “Sometimes, I think my mother is mad.” Do not, say, “She certainly is. ” ” He will reply, “Well, I do not mean really mad “and you will say, “But I do. ”Then you are really in for it. And presently it will come out that you attacked his sainted parent. When he says that his mother is mad, just say, “Poor Lady, she’s old and lives alone we really should see more of her.”, “Over my dead body. ” he will reply, and devote the rest of the evening to proving to you that his mother is off her rocker.

3. Never tell him you’re tired. He’s, tired. You do not plan your day right. When he asks, “How was your day?” do not under any circumstances tell him. If you are lucky enough to get a, “How are you?” it is permissible to say, “Fine-perhaps a little fagged.” But if you see a glimmer of sympathy, do not press your luck, for if you go on, a glazed look will cloud his eyes and without looking up from the paper he will mumble, ”That’s nice, dear.”

4. Never say, “I do not know how Helen can stand it. Charles is getting impossible.” You have now attacked a male. If friends are having marriage difficulties, the woman is wrong. Your statement will be countered with, “Poor Helen, indeed! If she would stay away from that idiotic women’s group, and see that dinner was on the table, there wouldn’t be any trouble.” The danger of this kind of discussion is that it may remind your husband of something you haven’t done. It’s best to say, “It does seem a shame about the Stewarts, I’m afraid they aren’t getting on.” Then you haven’t taken sides. No point in trying to understand. Just accept it.

5. Never tell him about a past love or a gentleman who was over friendly with you at the dance the other night. In the first case his answer might be, “Well, if he was so marvelous, why did not you marry him?” This can end in tears. In the second case he will not be jealous, which is what you hoped for. He will think you are making it up to make him jealous, which you probably are.

6. Do not start any sentence with, “Never mind, I will do it,” or, “Aren’t you ever going to. ”

First, you will have to.

Second, he is not. These are the two most stubborn-making approached in marriage.

7. Do not discuss the price or quality of his apparel. His clothes are a basic necessity. Yours are sheer frivolity. Everybody at the office has more suits than he has. “Did you have to buy that dress? Why did not you get a really smart black one?”

8. Never say, “You’re always talking about sport. Do not you think it’s time you let me in on what you’re talking about?” When you consider the possible outcome of this Statement, it is blood chilling. He may decide, all right, he will. So he takes you to a cricket match and is prepared to be kind and instructive. He is not, however, prepared for you to ask where the goal posts are.

9. Never ask if he enjoyed his nap after he has snored his way through an evening at the cinema. He was not asleep, he was resting his eyes. He heard every word of it.

10. Never tell him your dreams. I woke my husband one night and said, “I just had the most horrible dream. I was having an operation in a hospital in a strange city. It was awful. I was crying for you, and they could not find you anywhere. He just rolled over and muttered, “Did you try the club?”

—

TOM DOOLEY’S LAST LETTER

At the time of his death Dr Tom Dooley was preparing a book of which this letter was to have been a part. But, unfortunately, the only chapter he could finish is a fitting epilogue to his life’s work.

From the book, “PROMISES TO KEEP” by Agnes Dooley. Agnes Dooley is the Mother of Tom.

Village of Muong Sing

Kingdom of Laos.

Dear Bart:

It is far past midnight. I am sitting in my house at Muong Sing, high in the foothills of the Himalayas in northern Laos. The kerosene pressure lamps overhead are hissing at me, and the wind is lashing down my valley. It whips the palm and frangipane. All the earth on this sad cut of the world seems flooded in the monsoon rains. This is the season of crashing violence of the tropical storm. The crickets, frogs and wilder jungle animals screech and scream. The high Laos night land is not calm. But I feel calm in writing to you. I feel as though I have just met you outside the medical school auditorium. May I thrust my hand out and say, Congratulations, Bart. Congratulations on your graduation from medical school. Congratulations on being a doctor. But along with my congratulations, I also want to offer you some thoughts to mull over during your coming year of internship.

As a doctor, you have glorious things ahead of you. I am going to presume that you will choose the life of a general practitioner. There is a place in the world for Specialists, but this battered world of ours needs more country doctors. As a general practitioner, where will you practice? The world is lopsided in its distribution of doctors. This valley in Laos, prior to our Medico hospital, had nothing to offer the sick but black magic, necromancy, witchcraft, clay images, and sorcery and betel juice. The villagers wallowed in monkey’s blood, cobwebs, and tiger’s teeth and incantations. You know the world’s statistics. The Congo, 13 million people and not one native doctor. South Vietnam, II million people, about 18 doctors, Cambodia, 5 million people, seven doctors. Here in Laos, there are three million people and only one Laotian doctor. Other nation’s statistics are equally staggering.

Though this is sometimes called, the age of the shrug, I do not believe you would say, as some do, so what, it’s not my problem. You and I, Bart, are the heirs of all ages. We have been born and reared in freedom. We have justice, law and equality. But we have over looked another side of our inheritance. We have also the legacy of hatred, bred by careless men before us. We have the legacy of abuse, degradation and the inhumanity of men blinded by prejudice and ignorance. To people like you and me, richer in educational opportunities than many, this is a challenge. To accept it is a privilege and a responsibility.

I believe that the unique aspect of this challenge to young doctors demands that we invest some of our lives in the practice of medicine in foreign fields. I say, “some,” not a lifetime. This is not expected of us. But we can give a year or two. It can be part of the maturation of a Man, the metamorphosis of a doctor. Your internship lies ahead, maybe residency, and then come out to the developing nations of the world for a while, Bart. Bring your gadgets and the armamentarium of drugs, to be sure, but most of all bring your human spirit! Bring your youthful enthusiasm, your drive, your energy, and your dedication to help the sick. Bring your belief in the good and the right. Bring along a sense of humor; you will need it when the roof leaks, the patients eat all the pills the first dosage and witch doctors put cow dung over your sterile compresses.

Bring also the spirit of adventure. Spend sometime in valleys like Muong Sing. Splash some of your human warmth and goodness on people who heretofore have received few of these elements from Western man. You will find that just by being a doctor with qualities of the human heart you will help to unify men.

You are probably thinking, But, Tom, what’s in it for me? We are all a little selfish, you know. There is a great deal in it for you, Bart. By investing a portion of your life in work here, you will take back with you into private practice accomplishments beyond the narrow confines of continent and custom. You accomplishments will be along the broad horizons of peace for the whole world.

Doctors know the alikeness of human beings, and the world today demands a deeper emphasis on the brotherhood of man. This should be a force to unite men as men. We must take the heritage of our freedoms, from disease as well as from tyranny and project into the future for other men. We who have it must help those who do not have it. The kerosene is running out, and the lamps are flickering. I will continue the letter tomorrow.

A day has passed since I began this letter. At clinic this morning we had 7 patients. Everything from blazing malaria to a man who brought his donkey, requesting that we suture a laceration in its flank. Some children had diarrhea and eye inflammations, and one had head lice.

My assistants extracted some teeth. The kids cry just like they do in America. The old gals complained about having to wait in line, just like they do in America. A few of the older gents wanted some, “vigor pills,” just like. . . . well, anyway, there are no really deep differences between people. I have spent six years of my life among different men, and always I find that the similarities outweigh the differences. Each life is infinitely precious as a life, everywhere.

To recapitulate, Bart, I believe that you should use your profession and your heart as a cable to bind men together, Kindness and gentleness, daily instruments of the doctor, can be potent weapons against the anger of the world. Bring your talents, and the spirituality of your heart, to distant valleys like mine. And take back with you a rich, rich reward.

So along with my congratulations on your graduation, Send my wish that you will know the happiness that comes of serving others who have nothing.

Sincere best wishes always,”

Tom.

—

If you have comments or suggestions, please feel free to contact me: My address is: challengedtowin@yahoo.com

God Bless You